IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

some countries allow old people to work at any age they want . Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantage?.

#countries #people #work #age #advantage
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People
Use synonyms
 these days are required to
work
Use synonyms
 more in order to meet their financial needs.
As a result
Linking Words
, a few nations are allowing their dwellers to
work
Use synonyms
 until later years of life.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 approach presents some threats, I believe that the advantages associated with it are far greater. To start with, letting
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 until later years allow them to lead a meaningful life which not only helps them to be healthy and fit but
also
Linking Words
 they don't have to depend on anyone financially.
For instance
Linking Words
, after retirement at the age of 60, senior citizens had to depend on their family if they don't have any savings which either makes them feel like they are a burden on their loved ones or they are left in aged care homes away from them which later leads to mental and physical illness.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, having experience of years brings expertise in
work
Use synonyms
 makes them a valuable asset for a company which brings the right advice
along with
Linking Words
 showing the righteous path to younger colleagues. Having said that, the physical conditions of the older generation could be a hindrance in the way of working life as after getting old they might find it difficult to cope with the stress of
work
Use synonyms
. Alongside
this
Linking Words
, new generations could struggle with employment opportunities if there is no retirement age since companies prefer
people
Use synonyms
 with expertise in
work
Use synonyms
 to newcomers.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, there could be an arrangement of teams where new recruitments
work
Use synonyms
 more hours and bring innovative skills
whereas
Linking Words
 experienced ones
work
Use synonyms
 shorter hours and can guide them throughout which will eventually be beneficial for all those who are involved.
To conclude
Linking Words
, allowing seniors to
work
Use synonyms
 not only be beneficial for themselves but
also
Linking Words
 for those around them which is why I believe the advantage will outweigh the disadvantage.
However
Linking Words
, to enjoy the benefits these workers will bring to society,
people
Use synonyms
 will have to make suitable arrangements in order to cater needs of those involved.
Submitted by manjuganghas26 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: