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Band 3

Some people believe that retired age should be increased.agree or disagree?

#people #age
In today’s world, the idea of
age
 of the
retire
Replace the word
retirement
show examples
 from work should
be
Change the verb form
be increased
show examples
increase
 has been a controversial issue for
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
. As far as I
concerned
Add a missing verb
am concerned
show examples
, there are a couple of reasons for
retire
Replace the word
retirement
show examples
age
 of
people
 should
be considerably
Change the verb form
be considerably increased
show examples
increase
. The illumination of these reasons is provided below. The primary reason to take
account
Change preposition
into account
show examples
 is in
retire
Replace the word
retirement
show examples
age
 ,
people
 need more
provision
Fix the agreement mistake
provisions
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 make a living , but if
people
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 more independent they will not rely on
other’s
Change the noun form
others
other
show examples
. It can be
further
 claimed that in old
age
 they do not need their son or daughter and parents have enough mont for living.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 my grandfather retired
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 young
age
 and has
problem
Add an article
a problem
the problem
show examples
 for make
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 living and need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
her sons . The second substantial reason for the current
discuss
Replace the word
discussion
show examples
 is if
people
 work a lot , have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 society because
this person
Fix the agreement mistake
these people
show examples
 have more experience, in workplace make a decision
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 help
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 of the country previous.
For instance
 , some diplomatics in my country help to
economic
Add an article
the economic
show examples
 situation. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 there are reasons positive about relive
age
increase
. It seems to me that the benefit of
retire
Change the form of the verb
retiring
show examples
age
increase
 certainly
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 the drawback
Submitted by aidanabatchian95 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal age
  • Marriage
  • Maturity
  • Stability
  • Individual choice
  • Freedom
  • Cultural practices
  • Religious practices
  • Education
  • Career aspirations
What to do next:
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