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Band 4.5

Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, other people think that zoos are useful to protect the rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #zoos #animals
Zoos
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
place for any
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
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 of animal that are shown
for
Change preposition
to
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 visitor which has
Correct article usage
the purposes
show examples
purposes
Fix the agreement mistake
purpose
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 to entertain and educate for those who
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
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 in.
Zoos
are build
Change the verb form
are built
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by
Change preposition
with
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approval
Correct article usage
the approval
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 of governments with
aim
Add an article
the aim
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 to look after the forest
habitat
 but other people think that government should take care of
Add an article
the animal
an animal
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animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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 in their
habitat
instead
 of
zoo
Add an article
the zoo
show examples
. From my point of view,
zoos
 have more
a
Correct article usage
apply
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merit in protecting the animal than preserving the animal in
Correct pronoun usage
its origin
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origin
Replace the word
original
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habitat
 as they are not fully monitored by an institution of
zoo
Add an article
the zoo
a zoo
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.
To begin
,
Zoos
 is located in
vast
Add an article
a vast
the vast
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 area that can accommodate any
kinds
Fix the agreement mistake
kind
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 of animal since it is the requirement to build a
zoo
 and
also
 it should have the proper facilities and infrastructure for looking after
animal
Add an article
an animal
show examples
.
Zoos
 have the employee who have the knowledge for taking care of
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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 who live there.
In addition
, The
zoo
also
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the benefit for
human
Add an article
a human
the human
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 who visits the
zoo
 because it can entertain the visitor and
as well as
 give
education
Change the article
the education
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 to protect the animal and learn to preserve
rare
Add an article
the rare
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 animal.
On the other hand
, some communities think that
zoos
 are cruel as they assume
zoos
 are like
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail for
animal
Add an article
an animal
the animal
show examples
 which
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 the animal could not be as free as in
habitat
Correct pronoun usage
their habitat
show examples
,
on the contrary
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those who support
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoo
 have different opinion, wherefore they know it has more benefits of building
zoo
 than protecting in wild nature.
To sum up
, I prefer the
zoo
 open to close, since the
zoo
 is the place for preserving animal and have more advantages for animal inasmuch as the animal have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well-prepared facilities for their survival than releasing the animal to their
habitat
 because it could have the chance to be extinct
Submitted by farel2300 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
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