IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, other people think that zoos are useful to protect the rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #zoos #animals
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Zoos
Use synonyms
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
place for any
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
show examples
 of animal that are shown
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 visitor which has
Correct article usage
the purposes
show examples
purposes
Fix the agreement mistake
purpose
show examples
 to entertain and educate for those who
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
 in.
Zoos
Use synonyms
are build
Change the verb form
are built
show examples
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
approval
Correct article usage
the approval
show examples
 of governments with
aim
Add an article
the aim
show examples
 to look after the forest
habitat
Use synonyms
 but other people think that government should take care of
Add an article
the animal
an animal
show examples
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 in their
habitat
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
zoo
Add an article
the zoo
show examples
. From my point of view,
zoos
Use synonyms
 have more
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
merit in protecting the animal than preserving the animal in
Correct pronoun usage
its origin
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origin
Replace the word
original
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habitat
Use synonyms
 as they are not fully monitored by an institution of
Use synonyms
zoo
Add an article
the zoo
a zoo
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
,
Zoos
Use synonyms
 is located in
vast
Add an article
a vast
the vast
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 area that can accommodate any
kinds
Fix the agreement mistake
kind
show examples
 of animal since it is the requirement to build a
zoo
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 it should have the proper facilities and infrastructure for looking after
animal
Add an article
an animal
show examples
.
Zoos
Use synonyms
 have the employee who have the knowledge for taking care of
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 who live there.
In addition
Linking Words
, The
zoo
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the benefit for
human
Add an article
a human
the human
show examples
 who visits the
zoo
Use synonyms
 because it can entertain the visitor and
as well as
Linking Words
 give
education
Change the article
the education
show examples
 to protect the animal and learn to preserve
rare
Add an article
the rare
show examples
 animal.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some communities think that
zoos
Use synonyms
 are cruel as they assume
zoos
Use synonyms
 are like
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail for
animal
Add an article
an animal
the animal
show examples
 which
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 the animal could not be as free as in
Use synonyms
habitat
Correct pronoun usage
their habitat
show examples
,
on the contrary
Linking Words
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those who support
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoo
Use synonyms
 have different opinion, wherefore they know it has more benefits of building
zoo
Use synonyms
 than protecting in wild nature.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I prefer the
zoo
Use synonyms
 open to close, since the
zoo
Use synonyms
 is the place for preserving animal and have more advantages for animal inasmuch as the animal have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well-prepared facilities for their survival than releasing the animal to their
habitat
Use synonyms
 because it could have the chance to be extinct
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
What to do next:
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