Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However,other people think that zoos are useful to protect the rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There are debates
whether
protecting Change preposition
about whether
animals
in zoos
is are
cruel or beneficial. Both sides have their own arguments, and I will consider those Unnecessary verb
apply
both
views and give my own opinion.
On the Correct pronoun usage
apply
oneIn
one side, Correct your spelling
one
zoos
have a limitedlimit
place to keep Correct your spelling
limited limit
animals
. They only provide small cages or even inappropriate imitationimitated
Correct your spelling
imitation imitated
forest
. To illustrate, Surabaya Fix the agreement mistake
forests
zoos
at that time, had only few
standard cages for Change the article
a few
animals
and they were forced to live in small places with others. Furthermore
, zoos
do not give enough food to the animals
when they have few visitors to their parks. During covid 19, there were a lot of policies y
that required Verb problem
apply
demands
people not to get around and have their normal activities. Verb problem
apply
Thus
, It lessened
Wrong verb form
lessens
Correct article usage
the saffects
saffects
Correct your spelling
affects
effects
income
of the Change preposition
of income
zoos
and food supply to animals
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
Thus
, which
made it Correct pronoun usage
apply
makes
Verb problem
apply
animals
starve starving
to death.
On theIn Correct word choice
and starving
another
Correct determiner usage
the
other
side, an imitation forest gives a lot of benefits to prevent Change the wording
another
a rare
Correct the article-noun agreement
rare animals
a rare animal
animals
from being fromp
being extinct. OneIn one research Correct your spelling
from
reported
mentions that an effective way to keep Wrong verb form
report
animals
alive aside from their shrinking population is to make their own habitats which are awaya
Correct determiner usage
apply
way
from irresponsible Correct your spelling
away
dangerous
of humans and natural disasters Replace the word
dangers
such
as floods. For example
, there is a story about in
the success of keeping Komodo alive by making their own habitats Change preposition
apply
onin
one of land in Indonesia. It affects Correct your spelling
on
in
their population growth and Change preposition
apply
maintainsmaintain
their population Correct your spelling
maintains
secured
from humans.
Replace the word
secure
To sum up
, keeping animals
in zoos
has two points to be considered. If it is managedmanages
rightfully, it will give a well some benefits to them Correct your spelling
managed
such
as extinction preventions
, but it is going to be drawbacks if it is wrongly managed. Fix the agreement mistake
prevention
Therefore
, I contend that to place animals
should be placed in a secure and special habitat as long as keepers and scientists treat them in a such
manner.Submitted by farel2300 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic and provides a clear argument. Use topic sentences and supporting details to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to support your arguments. Ensure that all main points are fully addressed and provide a balanced view of both sides of the argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite