IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However,other people think that zoos are useful to protect the rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There are debates
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 protecting
animals
Use synonyms
 in
zoos
Use synonyms
 is
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
cruel or beneficial. Both sides have their own arguments, and I will consider those
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
views and give my own opinion. On the
oneIn
Correct your spelling
one
 one side,
zoos
Use synonyms
 have a
limitedlimit
Correct your spelling
limited limit
 place to keep
animals
Use synonyms
. They only provide small cages or even inappropriate
imitationimitated
Correct your spelling
imitation imitated
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
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. To illustrate, Surabaya
zoos
Use synonyms
 at that time, had only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 standard cages for
animals
Use synonyms
 and they were forced to live in small places with others.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
zoos
Use synonyms
 do not give enough food to the
animals
Use synonyms
 when they have few visitors to their parks. During covid 19, there were a lot of policies
y
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that required
demands
Verb problem
apply
show examples
people not to get around and have their normal activities.
Thus
Linking Words
, It
lessened
Wrong verb form
lessens
show examples
Correct article usage
the saffects
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saffects
Correct your spelling
affects
effects
income
Change preposition
of income
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 of the
zoos
Use synonyms
 and food supply to
animals
Use synonyms
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
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Thus
Linking Words
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
made it
makes
Verb problem
apply
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 starve
starving
Correct word choice
and starving
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 to death. On theIn
another
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 side, an imitation forest gives a lot of benefits to prevent
a rare
Correct the article-noun agreement
rare animals
a rare animal
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 from being
fromp
Correct your spelling
from
 being extinct. OneIn one research
reported
Wrong verb form
report
show examples
 mentions that an effective way to keep
animals
Use synonyms
 alive aside from their shrinking population is to make their own habitats which are
awaya
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
way
Correct your spelling
away
show examples
 from irresponsible
dangerous
Replace the word
dangers
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 of humans and natural disasters
such
Linking Words
 as floods.
For example
Linking Words
, there is a story about
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the success of keeping Komodo alive by making their own habitats
onin
Correct your spelling
on
 one of land in Indonesia. It affects
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their population growth and
maintainsmaintain
Correct your spelling
maintains
 their population
secured
Replace the word
secure
show examples
 from humans.
To sum up
Linking Words
, keeping
animals
Use synonyms
 in
zoos
Use synonyms
 has two points to be considered. If it is
managedmanages
Correct your spelling
managed
 rightfully, it will give a well some benefits to them
such
Linking Words
 as extinction
preventions
Fix the agreement mistake
prevention
show examples
, but it is going to be drawbacks if it is wrongly managed.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I contend that to place
animals
Use synonyms
 should be placed in a secure and special habitat as long as keepers and scientists treat them in a
such
Linking Words
 manner.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic and provides a clear argument. Use topic sentences and supporting details to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to support your arguments. Ensure that all main points are fully addressed and provide a balanced view of both sides of the argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
What to do next:
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