IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that young people learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others say that young people who play electronic and computer games waste their time. What are the advantages and disadvantages of computer games? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, there are enormously fun
activities
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 in which a child can participate. Some people claim that young individuals should get involved in playing electronic and computer
games
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.
While
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 others assert that these interests only waste time. On the one hand, supporters of engaging
children
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 in electronic devices and playing on a monitor believe that these interests help a young individual think in a rational way.
Furthermore
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, playing a game on the PC requires lots of different visual perspectives, and only with a correct decision can a player win the game.
For instance
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, puzzle play or brain stimulation word
games
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 could be a better option to help the child increase their vocabulary and keep their brain active.
Thus
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,
such
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 gaming can cultivate a wider perspective in a child, which is certainly a vital skill.
On the other hand
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, society opposes the idea that
children
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 should not play
games
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 on PCs and electronic devices; they explain in their favour that young people should concentrate more on their academics than on gaming. Indeed, there are a plethora of other
activities
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, like sports, exercise, and yoga classes, in which a minor can take part to spend his leisure time.
Moreover
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, PC
games
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 are addictive in nature, which can have a detrimental impact on his or her life.
Hence
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,
due to
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 these reasons, people emphasise other
activities
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 more than the aforementioned.
To conclude
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,
although
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 engaging in computer
activities
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 can promote cognitive abilities in
children
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, the side effects of these recreations cannot be ignored. I believe young individuals should not only play
games
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 on the computer because of their negative consequences on their minds and behaviour but there are
also
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 other ways that
children
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 can learn similar skills in other
activities
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.

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task response
The essay responds adequately to the prompt and presents a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of computer games. The points made are relevant and contribute to a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates an adequate logical structure, with clear introduction and conclusion present. The main points are supported with relevant examples and explanations, contributing to the coherence of the essay.
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