IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people thinks that governments should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. Do you agree or disagree.

#people #governments #tax #food
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Nowadays few masses argue that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should
mark
Verb problem
set
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 high taxes on
food
Use synonyms
 which are dangerous for our health to motivate individuals to eat and start a healthy diet. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion. To commence with, living healthily eats healthily so it's a very crucial part of our life.to explain it, people who want to spend life in good health should focus on good quality
food
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.
However
Linking Words
, these days, our young generation,
like
Correct subject-verb agreement
likes
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 to eat junk
food
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. On every occasion or celebration, our first preference would be unhealthy junkies like pizza burgers etc.
Additionally
Linking Words
, we are obsessed with fast
food
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 so, we should find a solution to cover
this
Linking Words
 problem. Because day by day our youth become more fond of it. The reason behind it is an easy way to have a meal without wasting time cooking at home.
For example
Linking Words
, students and office workers have more fast
food
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 and snacks in their free time because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
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 their busy routines, they don't have enough time to make
food
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 at home.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some individuals think that our states should take action on it and attain a high tax on unhealthy
food
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 which is easily available in the market.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if higher authorities will work on it we can overcome
this
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 major issue.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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,
on
Change preposition
because of
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this
Linking Words
 action,
this
Linking Words
 harmful
food
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 became out of reach for people. And they will have more focus on healthy and homemade
food
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, snacks like chips will
replace
Wrong verb form
be replaced
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 with homemade healthy potato chips. To put it in a nutshell, It's the government's duty to overcome
this
Linking Words
 issue. That people, get awareness of how to spend a healthy life with healthy eating.
Submitted by zoyadilawar34 on

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task response
The essay addresses the task but lacks specific examples and evidence to support the arguments. It needs to provide more detail and depth in discussing the effects of high taxes on unhealthy food.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement in terms of clarity and focus. The essay lacks logical progression and coherence in discussing the ideas. The points need to be organized more effectively to improve the overall cohesion of the essay.
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