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Writing Samples
Band 6

Should private schools receive government funding? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#schools #government
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In the present ambience, private academic
institutions
Use synonyms
 have a chance to get
the
Correct article usage
apply
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support financially by the
government
Use synonyms
 or not and it's acceptable from the public point of view. From my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
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this
Linking Words
 statement is strongly not acceptable.
Initially
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,
people
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 are interested in their children studying in private
schools
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, because they think private academic
institutions
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 only will give a good education to the pupils.
Hence
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, most
people
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 start to move into private
schools
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 and
this
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 trend is going to soar day by day.
Thus
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, most private
schools
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 charge more tuition fees from
people
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,
hence
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 is not required to provide any special funds to private
schools
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.
Moreover
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, there are a lot of
government
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
 that don’t have any basic facilities in the current situation. To illustrate, in my country most of the
government
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
 still
not
Add a missing verb
do not
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 available teaching staff and school buildings and playgrounds are in petrified condition.
Additionally
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,
government
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 staff and politicians aren't ready to restore the
schools
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 which are coming under the
government
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.
Furthermore
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, many private academic
institutions
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 are already in a good position in the present situation.
In other words
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, all private
schools
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 are managed by wealthy individuals and they have strong backgrounds.
Besides
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, currently, most of the private
institutions
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 collect some miscellaneous fees from the parents and
this
Linking Words
 amount they can utilize for their school development.
However
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, the
government
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 should not provide any special funding for private
schools
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 because private
schools
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 are already strong financially.
To conclude
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, the
government
Use synonyms
 don't have any imperative to support financially for private
schools
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.
In addition
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, the
government
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 should give priority only
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
schools
Use synonyms
, because
people
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 who are living below the poverty line, their children only will come and study there.
Hence
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, the
government
Use synonyms
 will endeavour to develop the
schools
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, which are coming under their control.
Submitted by smsundaram57 on

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clarity
Work on improving the clarity of your ideas and arguments. Some sentences are lengthy and can be simplified for better understanding.
support
Use more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, rather than general statements.
vocabulary
Attempt to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance your writing style.
introduction
The introduction clearly states the viewpoint and sets the stage for the discussion.
logical flow
There is a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay, contributing to overall coherence.
conclusion
The essay concludes well by summarizing the main points and restating the stance effectively.
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