IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. Why do you think it is the case? How should children or teenagers be punished for committing crimes?

#parts #world #children #teenagers #crimes #case
These days, a constant increase in juvenile
crimes
 becomes a serious issue around the world. The cause of
this
 needs to be considered by societies. Many people
also
 seek a way of resolving the problem. Both cause and solution will be detailed in the following paragraphs. First of all, poverty is a major reason why children commit
crimes
 even though they recognize that their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 eventually generates a negative effect.
This
 is because their parents can not afford necessaries and meet the responsibility for the children. Poor students are more likely to be exposed to a situation where they urge to steal food and drinks in some places like grocery stores. As the world economy is now worsening, more and more families have been put in danger and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
also
 easily commit a variety of
crimes
. To deal with the problem, re-education programs could be one of the appropriate solutions for
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 increasing number of
teenagers’
Change noun form
teenagers
show examples
crimes
. Many countries have seen them as an effective treatment for adult criminals since a long time ago. The programs include various courses
such
 as law lectures, social guidance
as well as
 ethical training.
This
 can be applied to the young people needed to be educated, which might show a positive effect. They can be easier altered than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older people as they are still in the process of development. In conclusion, the
cituation
Correct your spelling
situation
 where the number of
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
 criminals is surging should be solved as soon as possible.
Submitted by yadonghee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: