IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

As countries develop, people tend to buy more and more cars. Do you think the advantages for the individual outweigh the disadvantages for the environment?

#countries #people #cars #environment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 in
development
Replace the word
developing
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 desire to purchase a few
cars
Use synonyms
 because of being rich. In my opinion, there are more disadvantages of buying several
cars
Use synonyms
 for
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 than advantages. The essay will be discussed why
people
Use synonyms
 who live in rich
countries
Use synonyms
 want to own many vehicles and provided relevant answers to the question. To start with, presently individuals in
wealth
Replace the word
wealthy
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 would like to buy several vehicles in order to relieve their
chore
Fix the agreement mistake
chores
show examples
. Indeed having own
car
Use synonyms
 is good
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
 in some
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, someone who has
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
his own
her own
show examples
 vehicle does not find it difficult to go somewhere. They reach their destination on time when they drive with their
car
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is much more comfortable than local transportation. They are not nervous or do not perspire when they go to work
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
car
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who have their own
car
Use synonyms
 do not depend on someone's vehicle.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
the other hand, there are
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 more negative
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 of having transport for
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. First of all, transportations cause to pollute
air
Add an article
the air
show examples
 and make noise. They
effect
Replace the word
affect
show examples
 serious problems for
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
,Secondly
show examples
 Vehicles impact terribly
people
Use synonyms
's health
such
Linking Words
 as lung cancer , asthma, heart attack and so on.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, they cause traffic
jums
Correct your spelling
jams
 so as to be more.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 in my country have three or four
cars
Use synonyms
 in each person in their family. Sometimes they do not know where to park their vehicle due not to blank place.
Linking Words
Lastly
Add a comma
,Lastly
show examples
 more fossil fuel is reduced by transportation. It is dangerous
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 nature
To conclude
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
 in rich
countries
Use synonyms
 buy more
cars
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 situation is bad for human beings. I have tried to relevant answers in my essay to
question
Correct article usage
the question
show examples
.
Submitted by dilshod333d on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: