IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting University studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
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Nowadays, it is generally seen in most countries that youngsters tend to either embark on holidays or engage in menial jobs after they have come to the end of secondary
school
Use synonyms
 before
commencement
Correct article usage
the commencement
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 .
This
Linking Words
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some drawbacks
such
Linking Words
 as dropping out of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 and joining
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad
friends
Use synonyms
 . It
also
Linking Words
 has some merits like saving
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 and meeting and making new
friends
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will be explained
further
Linking Words
 in the subsequent paragraphs with a logical conclusion drawn. Leaving high
school
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 and getting admitted to
university
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 is one of the young
people
Use synonyms
's
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the numerous benefits.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is the
period
Use synonyms
 most
school
Use synonyms
 leavers work and save
money
Use synonyms
 in other to support their parents
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 upcoming expenses.
For instance
Linking Words
 , my neighbour's daughter, having seen that
the
Change the word
her
show examples
 parent could not afford her bills to the maximum decided to work in an oil mill where she made a lot of savings for a
period
Use synonyms
 of one year ,
hence
Linking Words
 , she was able to pay fully when she started her
university
Use synonyms
 education.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, most young
people
Use synonyms
 make use of that opportunity for travelling in other to meet and make new
friends
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
 ,
holiday
Add an article
the holiday
a holiday
show examples
 is a
period
Use synonyms
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 use to explore and engage
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
adventure
Add an article
an adventure
the adventure
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
 enables them to learn more about
people
Use synonyms
 and places thereby meeting with new
people
Use synonyms
 that can help them to update their knowledge.
However
Linking Words
, there are some drawbacks
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 leaving some gaps before
university
Use synonyms
 . One of
such
Linking Words
 demerits is
joining
Correct article usage
the joining
show examples
 of bad
friends
Use synonyms
. When a young
child
Use synonyms
 is left for some
period
Use synonyms
 without being in
school
Use synonyms
,
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
show examples
 of hanging out with bad influencers may arise as the proverb
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
says "
idle
Add an article
anidle
show examples
 mind is a devil
work shop
Correct your spelling
workshop
show examples
".
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 l have a friend
that his
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
child
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 on vacation in
elder
Correct pronoun usage
his elder
show examples
brother
Change noun form
brother's
show examples
 house , followed his children to learn cyber fraud,
hence
Linking Words
 , the boy is not only
Correct article usage
a yahoo
show examples
yahoo
Correct your spelling
Yahoo
show examples
 boy but he
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 a nuisance to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a
child
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 may in the process of working to save
money
Use synonyms
 become a
drop out
Join the words
dropout
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is
as a result
Linking Words
 of seeing
money
Use synonyms
 to solve immediate needs and
got
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 addicted to it thereby
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
 interest in his or her studies.
For instance
Linking Words
 , statistics
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 shown that the increase in
university
Use synonyms
 dropout is
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a result of
youngsters
Change noun form
youngsters'
youngster's
show examples
 lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 education
due to
Linking Words
love
Correct pronoun usage
their love
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
 Conclusively, having some holidays and doing some job after college before proceeding to
university
Use synonyms
 can be beneficial in the sense that the
child
Use synonyms
 can carter for
her self
Correct your spelling
herself
show examples
 and have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 life
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
friends
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it can be harmful since it can make the
child
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
engage in unmeaning full activities and even reduce the interest to
further
Linking Words
 his / her education.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
What to do next:
Look at other essays: