IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are using computers and electronic devices to access information. Therefore, there is no need to print books, magazines and newspapers on paper. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers #devices #access #information #print #books #magazines #newspapers #paper
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In the contemporary era, using laptops and electronic items to obtain
information
 is a common phenomenon. From my perspective, it seems convincing since publication industries should not be disregarded,
although
 these man-maid products are placed in a dominant position in individual life.
To begin
 with, those in favour of utilizing laptops and other electronic products argue some beneficial aspects.
Firstly
, these devices enable the public to save some of the natural resource exhaustion,
such
 as wood. Since manufacturing various papers usually
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
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 a great amount of timberwork, significant deforestation in the environment could result in the distinction of wildlife species.
Moreover
, a wide range of methods for acquiring knowledge can be installed in one device as long as
provided
Wrong verb form
provides
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 enough storage space
on
Change preposition
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
Whereas most
Correct word choice
Most
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 papers for publication purposes
are dealt
Wrong verb form
deal
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 with a certain type of written forms
Rephrase
apply
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thus
, which requests a substantial amount of physical work carrying every single material to grasp the
information
 (people particularly look for).
On the other hand
, there are some persuasive reasons to support why publication industries should be maintained. First of all, the pursuit of the latest online reading method could have negative impacts on people’s health. In spite of advancements in technology for electronic industries, all the monitors with electromagnetic waves can severely damage people’s eyesight and it is specifically observed in young generations and elderly people, who have sensitive and vulnerable eve conditions.
Besides
, one of the major symptoms of
this
 injury is the deterioration of a cancer tumour.
Secondly
, some inaccurate
information
 is frequently found on the internet site, approved papers need to be generated including social issues and current affairs. As these publications are edited with strict censorship on a regular term, people can always get up-to-date correct
information
 from them. In conclusion, I strongly insist that printing books, magazines and newspapers should not be ignored because of its numerous benefits on health issues and
information
 accuracy.
Submitted by hoy0504 on

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task response
The essay provides a partially clear response to the task, but the arguments lack depth and development. More detailed and supported ideas are needed to fully address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets up the main points effectively. However, the essay lacks coherence in connecting ideas throughout the body paragraphs. Transitioning between points and paragraphs could be improved for better flow of information.
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