Details of politicians’ private lives should not be published in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many arguments show that politicians’ personal information should be confidential
instead
of releasing it on social media. Linking Words
This
essay strongly agrees with Linking Words
this
suggestion because publishing these details could be harmful to their Linking Words
lives
, and might infringe on basic human Use synonyms
rights
.
First and foremost, publishing political Use synonyms
people
’s private Use synonyms
lives
could negatively affect their Use synonyms
lives
. It means that these Use synonyms
people
can get problems with their mental and physical health if their haters know their address or personal details, and it will be more serious if the journalists try to chase them Use synonyms
while
they are driving, which could lead to a crash or accident. Linking Words
For example
, Princess Diana in England passed away in a crash Linking Words
while
she was trying to escape the group of journalists who were chasing her to take her picture and seek information about her personal life.
Linking Words
Furthermore
, it Linking Words
also
infringes on the basic human Linking Words
rights
that everyone has as a human. Use synonyms
This
is because they have the Linking Words
Use synonyms
rights
to be protected and the right to keep their details. Fix the agreement mistake
right
Thus
, the disclosure of their privacy in newspapers without their agreement can influence their human Linking Words
rights
. Use synonyms
For instance
, many Vietnamese politicians cannot have their freedom whenever they hang out with their family because Linking Words
people
will come to take Use synonyms
a
Correct article usage
apply
photo
or record them, which could make them feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Some politicians in Fix the agreement mistake
photos
this
country always have bodyguards following them to protect them because some overexcited Linking Words
people
could harm their safety and their Use synonyms
family
.
In conclusion, some Fix the agreement mistake
families
people
would like to keep political Use synonyms
people
’s personal Use synonyms
lives
a secret rather than showing them on social media. Use synonyms
This
can protect the government's Linking Words
people
’s Use synonyms
lives
and ensure that they have human Use synonyms
rights
like other Use synonyms
people
.Use synonyms
Submitted by halenguyenkhanh2005 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a smooth transition between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to further enhance coherence and cohesion. Consider using more varied linking phrases and techniques to connect ideas seamlessly.
Task Achievement
Provide a wider range of perspectives and/or potential counterarguments that could be addressed in the essay. This will demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the issue and solidify the Task Achievement score.
Task Achievement
Even though specific examples are provided, ensure they are consistently relevant and directly connected to the main point being argued. This will strengthen the Task Achievement.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a strong opinion and addresses the task effectively by supporting the position that politicians’ personal information should remain confidential.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the argument, and the conclusion reinforces the main idea by summarizing the essay’s key points clearly and adequately.
Task Achievement
Good use of examples, such as the reference to Princess Diana, helps illustrate the point about potential dangers.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?