Many people believe that individuals over 65 should not allowed to continue working others think that people should be allowed to work for as long as they choose. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #individuals #work

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A host of

people

Use synonyms

indicate that

people

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over 65 should be retired

while

Linking Words

other

people

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think that the elderly have

right

Correct article usage

the right

show examples

work

Use synonyms

until they want.

This

Linking Words

essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

favor in former notion. On the one hand, older

people

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working their

job

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when they

have been

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

over

Change preposition

apply

show examples

years old could be advantageous to a certain extent.

Firstly

Linking Words

, If older

staffs

Fix the agreement mistake

staff

show examples

could continue their career, they could have

ability

Change the article

the ability

show examples

to afford living

expences

Correct your spelling

expenses

show examples

For example

Linking Words

, there are some the number of elderly who are the

bread winner

Correct your spelling

breadwinner

show examples

in their family, so they need to make money from their current

job

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, which could help them maintain their stable life.

Secondly

Linking Words

, maintaining

profession

Correct article usage

the profession

show examples

of older workers is a great way to keep their purpose in their lives.

For instance

Linking Words

, some old employees are eager to

work

Use synonyms

bacause

Correct your spelling

because

it helps them

work

Use synonyms

their favourite career, which makes them delighted and enjoyable.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, there are a number of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that

people

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over 65 years old should spend the rest of their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

to delight in valuable moments. The first reason is that when they quit their

job

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, they could have more time for their family and their friend.

For instance

Linking Words

, they could take part in family activities,

such

Linking Words

as watching

movie

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movies

show examples

, cooking

meal

Fix the agreement mistake

meals

show examples

and shopping together, which makes them relaxed and amused. Another reason is that if the elderly give up their position, they would create

job

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opportunities for younger candidates.

This

Linking Words

is because older

staffs

Fix the agreement mistake

staff

show examples

have more

experiences

Fix the agreement mistake

experience

show examples

and professional skills than the

youngers

Correct your spelling

younger

show examples

, it

Correct pronoun usage

ones, it

show examples

leads to

create

Wrong verb form

creates

show examples

some burdens for young

people

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and

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

them pressured, thereby young candidates would have

freedom

Add an article

the freedom

show examples

to be more creative and confident in the company without the elderly

staffs

Fix the agreement mistake

staff

show examples

. In conclusion,

while

Linking Words

it is irrefutable that old employees continue to

work

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when they are over 65, I would contend that there are some benefits for older employees when they decide to retire. ООР

Submitted by lethiphuonguyen0098 on Sat Jun 15 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure a clear division between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have one main idea.

coherence cohesion

Avoid using informal contractions like 'staffs' and 'bacause'. Consider revising to ‘staff members’ and ‘because’ respectively.

task achievement

Make sure to elaborate on your main points with more specific and varied examples to support your arguments effectively.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction provides a clear overview of the essay's content.

complete response

Your essay successfully discusses both viewpoints, showing an ability to consider multiple perspectives.

relevant specific examples

You offer specific examples, like participating in family activities, which add depth to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

8 paragraphs

339 words

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Many people believe that individuals over 65 should not allowed to continue working others think that people should be allowed to work for as long as they choose. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Fully explain your ideas

Should private schools receive government funding? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

The development of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent lexical in the world. Some people think this will lead to English becoming only language to be spoken globally. Advantages and disadvantages?

in their advertising bsinesses nowadays ususally emphasise that their products are new in some way. whay is this ? do you think it is a positife or negative development?

As the number of cars increases, more money has to be spent on road systems. Some people think the government should pay for this. Others, however, think that car users should cover the costs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.