IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people think that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. Other think that those who contribute to society like teachers and scientists are most successful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals #money #society #teachers #scientists
Some
people
 think that
individuals
 are more successful
while
 others think that
people
 who contribute to
society
 like teachers or scientists are more successful. In my
opinion
,
individuals
 are more successful than
people
 who contribute to
society
 you can say why and I will say the main reasons why
individuals
 are more successful. The first reason why
individuals
 are more successful is because they have discipline and they work harder than others and that's why my
opinion
 prefers
individuals
. In my
opinion
, discipline is the main way to be successful. But there are many
people
 who say that
people
 who contribute to
society
 are more successful and I don’t agree with
this
 because teachers are not the main part of
society
 because they don’t have money or authority
while
individuals
 have authority. But scientists have some
success
 in their lives
for example
 scientist invented pills for cancer and these pills makes scientist's life more successful. In conclusion, I can say that the form of
success
 depends on your worldview. Some
people
 see
success
 in money others in love and that’s why
success
 depends only on your
opinion
 and worldview.
Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: