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Band 5

Some people consider price as the most important thing to think about when buying products (such as cellphones) or services (medical treatments) do you agree or disagree

#people #price #products #cellphones #services #treatments
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In recent years, some communities think about
price
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while
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 purchasing
products
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 like mobile phones and taking
services
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 like medical treatments.
Although
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 both things are very costly, they are crucial for the
people
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. In my opinion, I disagree that
people
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 should think about
Use synonyms
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of cell phones or medical treatment before they are buying them.
To begin
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 with, the most useful thing for
people
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 is mobile. They can do anything they want
from
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with
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this
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 small electronic device.
Firstly
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,
People
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 can learn new languages or make new friends by installing applications on
mobile
Correct pronoun usage
their mobile
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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.
For instance
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, Indian
people
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 can talk with American
people
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, and discuss their personal or professional things without
meet
Change the form of the verb
meeting
show examples
 them.
Secondly
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, parents can touch with their children, and they can know their activities.
As a result
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, they
aware
Add a missing verb
are aware
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about
Change preposition
of
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 the behaviour of their children.
Furthermore
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, the elder communities can
also
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 spend their time
by
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apply
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playing
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
games or calling their best friends or relatives. So, one's cannot look
on
Change preposition
at
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 the
price
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 of
such
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products
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whose
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 can help them in their
life
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, and their
life
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 become easy by using them.
Moreover
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, medical
treatments
Change the noun form
treatment
show examples
services
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 are really important in
the
Correct article usage
an
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 emergency. If
people
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 are suffering from any serious health problem,
then
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 their family cannot look at the
price
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 of the doctor fees and other charges. The first priority for them is their family member who is injured.
Although
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 the
price
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical
services
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 is higher, we must consider the importance of doctors in our
life
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. They can only be our saviour in
this
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 difficult situation. In conclusion, some folks consider
to think
Change the verb form
thinking
show examples
 about money
while
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 buying
products
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 like cell phones and taking medical
services
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 for themselves. I do not believe that it will cause that
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 problems in their
life
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.
However
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,
products
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 like mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 can help them in every situation,
while
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 medical treatment
services
Use synonyms
 are crucial things
while
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 they face some problems.
Submitted by writing7 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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