IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people consider price as the most important thing to think about when buying products (such as cellphones) or services (medical treatments) do you agree or disagree

#people #price #products #cellphones #services #treatments
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, some communities think about
price
while
 purchasing
products
 like mobile phones and taking
services
 like medical treatments.
Although
 both things are very costly, they are crucial for the
people
. In my opinion, I disagree that
people
 should think about
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of cell phones or medical treatment before they are buying them.
To begin
 with, the most useful thing for
people
 is mobile. They can do anything they want
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 small electronic device.
Firstly
,
People
 can learn new languages or make new friends by installing applications on
mobile
Correct pronoun usage
their mobile
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
.
For instance
, Indian
people
 can talk with American
people
, and discuss their personal or professional things without
meet
Change the form of the verb
meeting
show examples
 them.
Secondly
, parents can touch with their children, and they can know their activities.
As a result
, they
aware
Add a missing verb
are aware
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the behaviour of their children.
Furthermore
, the elder communities can
also
 spend their time
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
games or calling their best friends or relatives. So, one's cannot look
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
price
 of
such
products
whose
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 can help them in their
life
, and their
life
 become easy by using them.
Moreover
, medical
treatments
Change the noun form
treatment
show examples
services
 are really important in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 emergency. If
people
 are suffering from any serious health problem,
then
 their family cannot look at the
price
 of the doctor fees and other charges. The first priority for them is their family member who is injured.
Although
 the
price
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical
services
 is higher, we must consider the importance of doctors in our
life
. They can only be our saviour in
this
 difficult situation. In conclusion, some folks consider
to think
Change the verb form
thinking
show examples
 about money
while
 buying
products
 like cell phones and taking medical
services
 for themselves. I do not believe that it will cause that
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 problems in their
life
.
However
,
products
 like mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 can help them in every situation,
while
 medical treatment
services
 are crucial things
while
 they face some problems.
Submitted by writing7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: