IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Today in many countries, in order to find work people have to move away from their friends and family. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #work #people #move #friends #trend
It is true that in some countries in order to get a job, one has to separate from their loved ones. I believe that the drawback of
this
 trend outweighs the advantages. On the one hand, leaving one's family and friends can cause loneliness which could lead to depression.
For example
, stress and workload from the newfound work can be overwhelming and wouldn't be able to cope.
Furthermore
, a migrant will feel isolated because of his new environment and work as he will have to get used to the new place and make new friends.
For instance
,an introvert getting to know people can be quite difficult as it involves studying their lifestyles and their ways of life.
On the other hand
,
this
 can be of great benefit as
such
 an individual will be open to many work opportunities which will make life easier.
For example
, he will have the chance to do any job of his choice and ignore the others
Also
,
such
 a person will know more about various activities
such
 as the use of the internet and handling of workshop machines which helps to increase cognitive skills. In conclusion, migrants in search of jobs tend to develop some mental health issues
such
 as depression caused by isolation.
While
 its benefits include learning to apply new skills and a plethora of opportunities which could lead to a good life.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: