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Band 5.5

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree whit this statement?

#say #people #age #work #whit
The life expectancy of the developed countries
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 increased
due to
 the advancement of science and technology in the
health
 services.
This
 has increased the number of
people
 living in the
retirement
age
 and some
people
 want to increase the
age
 limit of
retirement
.
This
 essay will argue why increasing the
retirement
age
 is entirely necessary despite public opposition.
Firstly
, the number of
people
 receiving benefits after
retirement
 is increasing every year than those who contribute to the social security system. Most of the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 will start to
work
 at the
age
 of 21 after completing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college,
this
 percentage of
people
 who starts working is less when compared to
people
 who get retired.
Moreover
,
people
 in
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 group between 70 to 80 are increasing as they proceed to live a longer life and require more benefits.
For example
, senior citizen requires more
health
 services which are funded by social security benefit.
This
 is causing the government to allocate more funds for
retirement
 and
health
 care benefits in their annual budget.
On the other hand
, senior
people
 argue they have already contributed enough to the
benefit
Change the noun form
benefits
show examples
 systems and they are not prepared to
work
 more.
Also
, those who are working in the manufacturing sector are having more
health
 complications and are not able to
work
 after a certain
age
 limit.
For example
, a recent study shows that workers in the mining industry are getting cancer in the early stages of life than those who
work
 in other sectors.
Therefore
, if government take some decision to increase the
retirement
age
, they need to consider all the stakeholders. In my opinion, it is absolutely necessary to increase the
retirement
age
 to save the social security system and for the economic growth of the country even though it is going to affect some sections of
people
.
Submitted by shiva_smvec on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • • Life expectancy
  • • Pension systems
  • • Financial burden
  • • Government resources
  • • Experienced workforce
  • • Workplace wisdom
  • • Personal fulfillment
  • • Physically and mentally fit
  • • Health problems
  • • Job market
  • • Youth unemployment rates
  • • Quality of life
  • • Economic inequality
  • • Physically demanding jobs
  • • Socioeconomic status
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