IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct. There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?

#process #species #reason #people
Extinction
Correct article usage
The extinction
show examples
 of species become a major concern in
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 world nowadays. Authorities are making efforts to prevent
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
 species from vanishing. Some people believe these efforts are useless as it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
's activity to extinct
animals
. I completely disagree with the idea and in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will support my opinion with examples.
Firstly
, a large number of
animals
 are dying because of human activities
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
 as making roads, factories and so on. By limiting the construction, a number of species can be saved which will
also
 prevent our environment.
For instance
- Government should construct only one road to go from point A to B
instead
 of making multiple
path
Change to a plural noun
paths
show examples
 for
public's
Correct article usage
the public's
show examples
 convenience. It will
also
 save the money of
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
along with
 the
animals
. Another reason why I disagree is that it can
be prevent
Change the verb form
be prevented
show examples
 from happening by opening more zoos in
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
. The category which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 vanishing can be kept in these zoos under
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
supervision and a lot can be done to extend their generation. By doing
this
, governer authorities can
also
 aware the public about
Correct article usage
the extincting
show examples
extincting
Correct your spelling
extinction
 categories of
animals
. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, there is no denying to fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
 plays a major role
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
extinct
Correct article usage
the extinct
show examples
some
Change preposition
of some
show examples
animals
. A human cannot
done
Change the verb form
do
be done
show examples
 anything in order to keep them alive.
For
example-dinosaur's
Change noun form
example
show examples
 generation could not
survived
Change the verb form
survive
be survived
show examples
 because of the change in environment. So, some deaths of
catogaries
Correct your spelling
categories
 of
animals
 are part of
nature
. In conclusion, a human can do
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 some extent to save
animals
 by limiting constructions and keeping
a rare breeds
Correct the article-noun agreement
rare breeds
a rare breed
show examples
in
Change preposition
under
show examples
 supervision but
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
nature
 is doing its part which can not be controlled.
However
, public awareness is the only way to fight
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 problem.
Submitted by sukh24deol on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: