IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The leaders or directors of organizations are often older people. But some people say that young people can also be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #directors #organizations #people
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In recent days, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 usually become chief of the government or group,
Linking Words
nonetheless
Add a comma
,nonetheless
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 there are those who think that
people
Use synonyms
 have to create a condition
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 young individuals can lead
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
organizations or companies. I completely agree with the given statement and the reasons for it will be elaborated in the enlisted paragraphs.
Firstly
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, young humankind would be more stimulated
from
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in
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 a lot of aspects than retired humans, and they can come up with a plenty
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of idea
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idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
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 from
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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information
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of information
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. It means they can originate positive effects and essential novelty for their teams.
According to
Linking Words
 the research done in 2020, university students can deem more profound about
economy
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the economy
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 and climate change than
politician
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politicians
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 in Japan.
Thus
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,
leader
Add an article
a leader
the leader
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 must not be deiced by age. Another key point that I would like to emphasize is the fact that younger directors have more motivation for success than aged
humankinds
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humankind
 because they are in unstable conditions, and want to increase their
reptation
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reputation
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, older leaders have earned much money and
acquire
Wrong verb form
acquired
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 secure prestige since they got jobs.
For instance
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, there is an inclination that ageing
people
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 inhibit
to make
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making
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 innovative decisions because they do not want to generate negative results before
retire
Wrong verb form
retiring
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.
Hence
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,
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
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 have more incentives
for
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to
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 rising their
repute
Replace the word
reputation
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 and
prospering
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prosper
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. of the organizations. In conclusion, elderly directors have undergone massive things since they became chief, and can exploit their experience,
Linking Words
nevertheless
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,nevertheless
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 younger leaders can make positive results and have more ambitious.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I consider that age of
Use synonyms
people
Correct article usage
the people
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 who lead the group should be younger than
present
Correct article usage
the present
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.
Submitted by shimamura0116 on

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