IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The leaders or directors of organizations are often older people. But some people say that young people can also be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #directors #organizations #people
In recent days, elderly
people
 usually become chief of the government or group,
nonetheless
Add a comma
,nonetheless
show examples
 there are those who think that
people
 have to create a condition
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 young individuals can lead
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
organizations or companies. I completely agree with the given statement and the reasons for it will be elaborated in the enlisted paragraphs.
Firstly
, young humankind would be more stimulated
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a lot of aspects than retired humans, and they can come up with a plenty
Change preposition
of idea
show examples
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
 from
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
information
Change preposition
of information
show examples
. It means they can originate positive effects and essential novelty for their teams.
According to
 the research done in 2020, university students can deem more profound about
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 and climate change than
politician
Fix the agreement mistake
politicians
show examples
 in Japan.
Thus
,
leader
Add an article
a leader
the leader
show examples
 must not be deiced by age. Another key point that I would like to emphasize is the fact that younger directors have more motivation for success than aged
humankinds
Correct your spelling
humankind
 because they are in unstable conditions, and want to increase their
reptation
Correct your spelling
reputation
show examples
.
In addition
, older leaders have earned much money and
acquire
Wrong verb form
acquired
show examples
 secure prestige since they got jobs.
For instance
, there is an inclination that ageing
people
 inhibit
to make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
 innovative decisions because they do not want to generate negative results before
retire
Wrong verb form
retiring
show examples
.
Hence
,
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
 have more incentives
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 rising their
repute
Replace the word
reputation
show examples
 and
prospering
Replace the word
prosper
show examples
. of the organizations. In conclusion, elderly directors have undergone massive things since they became chief, and can exploit their experience,
nevertheless
Add a comma
,nevertheless
show examples
 younger leaders can make positive results and have more ambitious.
Therefore
, I consider that age of
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 who lead the group should be younger than
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
.
Submitted by shimamura0116 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: