IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many parts of the world, families were larger in the past because people had more children. Do you think there were more advantages or disadvantages to being part of a large family in the past? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#parts #world #families #people #children #part
In the past, extended family had a lot of
children
. In that family, all the siblings were kind and loyal to each other. The reason I am saying
that is
 because my old grandparents came from
extended
Correct article usage
an extended
show examples
 family. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 aspects and negative sides. On the one hand, being the eldest child in an extended family, required more responsibility than being the youngest child.
For instance
, the older
children
 shared all of the valid clothes and suitable shoes with the youngest
children
.
Furthermore
, the family environment was healthy, merciful to each other,
helper
Replace the word
and helpful
show examples
 when needed. In an extended
family
Add a comma
family,
show examples
 the
children
 were
helper
Fix the agreement mistake
helpers
show examples
 for domestic chores and field
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 because of budget came from
this
 work.
In addition
, the
children
 of
this
 family treated each other nicely and the older ones helped to teach new skills to the youngest ones. There
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 no wickedness around
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 people in the past. But
on the other hand
, there are
also
 many disadvantages.
Such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 groceries, financial deficiencies, clothes,
problems
 in the delivery of school supplies and there were similar family budget deficit
problems
. In the past days, health was one of the biggest
gift
Change to a plural noun
gifts
show examples
 which is given by God. If one of the extended family
member
Change to a plural noun
members
show examples
 gets
a flu
Change the article
the flu
flu
show examples
, sometimes they could
have been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
afford to buy medicine but it was not always. The teenagers of the extended family
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 a place at university
rarely
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Due to they
Change preposition
They
show examples
 helped
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their parents with field
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. There was no time to study. In conclusion, every Era has a past. The
problems
 of big families in the past were
also
 big.
However
 nowadays,
problems
 of extended families are getting smaller
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task response
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and outlines the main points to be discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas in a more organized and logical manner. Use transition words and phrases to link your ideas together more effectively.
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