Some children spent hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case ? Do you think is a positive or a negative development ?
Smartphones have made our lifestyle much more convenient compared to the past. It is often argued that children have devoted
large
amount of time Change the article
a large
on
smartphones and have the risk to develop an adverse effect. Change preposition
to
However
as to whether it is a blessing or curse, there arises a heated debate among people. As far Add a comma
,However
I’m
concerned, I strongly agree that despite the advantages Correct word choice
as I’m
are
provided by mobile gadgets, Unnecessary verb
apply
but
Correct word choice
apply
its
drawbacks shouldn’t be denied Correct pronoun usage
their
such
as the impact towards education and cataract issues.
Undeniably, kids
manage to improve their cognitive development through games as they can unleash their creativity on it
. Correct pronoun usage
them
However
, the advantages stand only
a tiny proportion of the Change preposition
for only
overall
picture. Articles have proven that kids
tend to develop a stronger addiction towards video games and
Correct word choice
which
lead
to a failure to cope with their education. To support Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
this
, Apple has recently released a
data that the average screen time from a kid’s device is 7 hours daily. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, kids
have the potential to learn violation through virtual-reality
and apply it Correct your spelling
virtual reality
into
real life Change preposition
in
due to
immature
enough to differentiate matters around us.
Add a missing verb
being immature
Furthermore
, youngsters always face a common health issue known as neck injury due to
long-term of
glaring on a device by using an incorrect posture. Change preposition
apply
Nonetheless
, they also
suffered from weak communication skills due to
most of the times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
are
being spent on Unnecessary verb
apply
the
entertainment and not having a conversation with others. Correct article usage
apply
This
fortifies the fact that,
Remove the comma
apply
kids
prone
Add a missing verb
are prone
a
higher risk of developing isolation. Not only Change preposition
to a
this
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
the cataract issue is also
one of the major public concerns in
Change preposition
on
this
topic. For example
, in Malaysia
a majority of 70% of teenagers wore a spectacle since at a young age.
In Add a comma
,Malaysia
the
nutshell, Correct article usage
a
according to
the examples and arguments given
, despite Add the auxiliary verb
are given
advantages
of Correct article usage
the advantages
smartphone
is provided, Add an article
the smartphone
a smartphone
but
I personally agree that the cons outweigh the pros. In future, we will certainly see government takes greater measure to limit the usage of mobile devices Correct word choice
apply
from
Change preposition
by
kids
for the well-being of community
.Add an article
the community
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