Some children spent hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case ? Do you think is a positive or a negative development ?

Smartphones have made our lifestyle much more convenient compared to the past. It is often argued that children have devoted

large

Change the article

a large

show examples

amount of time

Change preposition

show examples

smartphones and have the risk to develop an adverse effect.

Linking Words

However

Add a comma

,However

show examples

as to whether it is a blessing or curse, there arises a heated debate among people. As far

I’m

Correct word choice

as I’m

show examples

concerned, I strongly agree that despite the advantages

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

provided by mobile gadgets,

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

drawbacks shouldn’t be denied

such

Linking Words

as the impact towards education and cataract issues. Undeniably,

kids

Use synonyms

manage to improve their cognitive development through games as they can unleash their creativity on

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

However

Linking Words

, the advantages stand

only

Change preposition

for only

show examples

a tiny proportion of the

overall

Linking Words

picture. Articles have proven that

kids

Use synonyms

tend to develop a stronger addiction towards video games

and

Correct word choice

which

show examples

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

to a failure to cope with their education. To support

this

Linking Words

, Apple has recently released

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

data that the average screen time from a kid’s device is 7 hours daily.

Moreover

Linking Words

kids

Use synonyms

have the potential to learn violation through

virtual-reality

Correct your spelling

virtual reality

show examples

and apply it

into

Change preposition

show examples

real life

due to

Linking Words

immature

Add a missing verb

being immature

show examples

enough to differentiate matters around us.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, youngsters always face a common health issue known as neck injury

due to

Linking Words

long-term

Change preposition

apply

show examples

glaring on a device by using an incorrect posture.

Nonetheless

Linking Words

, they

also

Linking Words

suffered from weak communication skills

due to

Linking Words

most of the

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

being spent on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

entertainment and not having a conversation with others.

This

Linking Words

fortifies the fact that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

kids

Use synonyms

prone

Add a missing verb

are prone

show examples

Change preposition

to a

show examples

higher risk of developing isolation. Not only

this

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

the cataract issue is

also

Linking Words

one of the major public concerns

Change preposition

show examples

this

Linking Words

topic.

For example

Linking Words

, in

Malaysia

Add a comma

,Malaysia

show examples

a majority of 70% of teenagers wore a spectacle since at a young age. In

the

Correct article usage

show examples

nutshell,

according to

Linking Words

the examples and arguments

given

Add the auxiliary verb

are given

show examples

, despite

advantages

Correct article usage

the advantages

show examples

smartphone

Add an article

the smartphone

a smartphone

show examples

is provided,

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

I personally agree that the cons outweigh the pros. In future, we will certainly see government takes greater measure to limit the usage of mobile devices

from

Change preposition

show examples

kids

Use synonyms

for the well-being of

community

Add an article

the community

show examples

coffeelimzhi

May 4, 2023

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

336 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Nowadays most green energy is becoming evermore prevalent in both developed and developing countries. Some argue they greatly reduce costs and are better for the environment, others believe they are a serious threat to energy security. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is positive or a negative development?