IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.
#show #temperatures #hours #sunshine #year #three #cities
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The line graph gives information about
usual
Correct article usage
the usual
show examples
 climate in a month and
also
Linking Words
 the table highlights data about the number of Sun
shine
Correct subject-verb agreement
shines
show examples
 annually in three conurbations.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the graph is that London and New
York
Use synonyms
 have similar heat, increasing in the summer and decreasing in the winter,
while
Linking Words
 Sydney has totally the converse temperature compared to
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 others.
According to
Linking Words
 the table, New
York
Use synonyms
 has the most sunlight day during
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 year. As regards New
York
Use synonyms
 and London the warmth started at around 4 degrees and 8 degrees respectively and in the middle of the year hit a peak with the ratio around two-thirds in July and
then
Linking Words
 continued to fall and stopped at 5 and 10 in December in turn.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Sydney's proportion started at one-quarter in Jan and experienced a decline to 15 in July.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the temperature went up to the same ratio again. It is understandable that New
York
Use synonyms
 has the most sunny days with 2,535 and
following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, Sydney pursued New
York
Use synonyms
 with
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
 amount and London was ranked in the third place with 1,180 amount.
Submitted by mehrdad.salahi2003 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "following this".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words york with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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