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Band 5.5

A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#person #status #possessions #values #honour #kindness #trust
I partially agree with the statement relating to
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 value prosperity of
instead
 of
characteristic
Add an article
the characteristic
a characteristic
show examples
 of that particular
person
.
Firstly
, it seems that
person
's social status and wealth are visible.
For instance
,
privileged
Correct article usage
a privileged
show examples
person
 well-dressed
acquaired
Correct your spelling
acquired
 net worth. Meanwhile,
middle
Correct article usage
the middle
show examples
 to
Add an article
the lower
a lower
show examples
lower class
Add a hyphen
lower-class
show examples
 group has to work overtime just to get
standard
Add an article
a standard
show examples
 wage, which is far lower
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 what rich
people
 have. Outdated values
such
 as goodness, respect and other basic manner
are tend
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to not
seen
Change the form of the verb
see
show examples
, unless, it is published in
publicsphere
Correct your spelling
public sphere
. In fact,
people
 with high school status have more capacity to publicly inform
kindness
 that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been done.
For instance
, most charity events are carried out by wealthy
people
. By having
power
Change the article
the power
show examples
 to broadcast good things that have been done, rich
people
 gain respect easily and are seen as beneficial parties who can be taken advantage
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 by opportunistic
people
.
However
, abandoned that including
kindness
 and trust are still as important as it used to be valued.
Nevertheless
,
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 tend to be lured by
tangible
Correct article usage
the tangible
show examples
 advantages
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 money and material.
Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
show examples
,
Add an article
an individual
the individual
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
also
 like to be recognized.
Hence
 material is much more important in public
eyes
Fix the agreement mistake
eye
show examples
 compared to
kindness
.
In addition
,
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 has changed rapidly,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
 is likely to be one of the reasons why
people
 pursue
for
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
more financial support. It is believed that genuine
kindness
 can grow back despite all of
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
 media content
that is
 sometimes manipulative. All in all, social status and wealth might be every
person
's priority in
this
 rapidly changing world.
However
, honour,
kindness
 and trust can be restored
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 difficulty might be happening
due to
 manipulation in
this
 digitalization era.
Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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