IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast transport for cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #people #sums #money #railway #lines #transport #cities
It is believed
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are obligated to expense capital on building new
lines
 for
railway
Fix the agreement mistake
railways
show examples
while
 some
people
 argue enhance existing mass transport is more important in several countries.
Thus
, I believe by expanding more fleets and comfort ness are the best options currently. I will elaborate on my point below.
to begin
 with, the necessity of public transportation
such
 as buses, commuter
lines
, taxis, and mrt is more needed by society nowadays,
while
 the authority should enhance by providing capital expenditure to add more fleets.
Subsequently
, fleet availability will compensate
people's
Change preposition
for people's
show examples
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
as well as
 spread the concentration of passengers in one station or terminal.
In addition
, the new fleet can
also
 bring comfort ness to customers because of features equipped inside that are far better than the oldest.
On the other hand
, the new railway
lines
also
 take place for some countries to provide rapid mass transport to support business activities.
Besides
, the initial capital cost sometimes make contentious opinions from different level of communities because only a few
people
 take benefits from it
as well as
 it can not be a good solution to make
people
 shift from private car to public transport, as a ,result it will exacerbate the traffic bottleneck ,especially in developing countries. In conclusion,
Therefore
, I believe by captivating the existing fleets and comfort ness it will have a big impact on citizens rather than building new
railways
Change the noun form
railway
show examples
lines
 to accommodate fast mobility in the cities.
Submitted by sholehuddin23 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: