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Band 2

Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebration. While others think it is a waste of money. Discuss both views.

#people #money #celebration #waste
Few
people
 are of
opinion
Correct article usage
the opinion
show examples
 that, it is important to spend so much money on
family
Add an article
a family
show examples
celebration
, in my Opinion, it
Add a missing verb
is
show examples
good to spend
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 on
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
celebration
 because
this
 will bring the family
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
limelight
Add an article
the limelight
show examples
, it is
also
 not good,
this
 is because the family can become broke. Is good to spend
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of money on
family
Add an article
a family
show examples
celebration
, it will be talked about by
people
 that attended and even
people
 that heard about it will celebrate the family,
this
 will help the family to come
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 limelight,
additionally
,
people
 in
high class
Add a hyphen
high-class
show examples
 level will want to associate with the family, they tend to start having rich
people
 as
friend
Add an article
a friend
show examples
,
for example
, rich fathers will want to connect
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 children with the family.
However
, it is not good because the family can spend extravagantly and run out of money,
further
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
,
this
 can attract the family to thieves, and they will be robbed, example, if the
celebration
 is being talked about in the town and the robbers
hears
Change the verb form
hear
show examples
 about it in the town, they will go
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 house and robbed them of there belongings. Conclusively,
people
 should reduce the way they spend during
celebration
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrations
show examples
 to avoid being robbed.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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