IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebration while others think it is a waste of money.discuss both views

#people #money #celebration #waste
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Celebration
Use synonyms
 seems like a festival because of the way they are performed and a way of bringing
people
Use synonyms
 together.majority believe that it is paramount to spend lavishly on a family
celebration
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others believe
otherwise
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and my notion. On the one hand,many think it is important to spend too much
money
Use synonyms
 on family
occasion
Fix the agreement mistake
occasions
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because these days,
people
Use synonyms
 rarely get
time
Use synonyms
 to be with each other and it is through family ceremony they spend
time
Use synonyms
 together.
For instance
Linking Words
, an uncle of mine who live in
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
 country comes home
every
Change preposition
to every
show examples
 family gathering to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with the family and he
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 whenever he is around.
hence
Linking Words
 there is
need
Correct article usage
a need
show examples
 to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with the family
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others think spending a lot of
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a family
celebration
Use synonyms
 is a waste of
time
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some family occasion is just one day and
people
Use synonyms
 at times spend a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 which can be for donations rather than spending it lavishly.
Also
Linking Words
 if too much
money
Use synonyms
is spend
Change the verb form
is spent
show examples
 like that
people
Use synonyms
 will not have any
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
show examples
 for themselves
at the end
Linking Words
 of the family gathering.
In addition
Linking Words
, their standard of living may decrease and will not be able to cope with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society. In conclusion,it is better to spend
money
Use synonyms
wise
Change the word
wisely
show examples
 regardless of whether there is a
celebration
Use synonyms
 or not,and it is always safe to plan ahead for any family
celebration
Use synonyms
 in order to control the amount of
money
Use synonyms
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on any occasion.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: