Experts say if older people spend their time with other people and exercise daily their lives will be happier and healthier. However many elderly are suffering from lack of fitness. Discuss cause and solution.

#experts #people #time #exercise #lives #lack #fitness

Some

people

believe that these elderly

people

will be stronger and more delighted

according to

communicating in social relationships

as well as

a workout every single day.

Nevertheless

, they are tough to implement in exercise.

This

essay

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

delve into the reasons behind

this

and propose certain solutions to deal with the issue. There are several causes

to lead

Verb problem

for

show examples

this

trend.

Firstly

, for these aged

people

who are unstable in physical health, it will be hard movement and they conventionally need

to assist

Wrong verb form

assistance

show examples

from other

people

Hence

, they would like

confine

Replace the word

confined

show examples

in bed for many hours.

Secondly

, they

almost

Rephrase

apply

show examples

spend many

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

staying at home, which is a reason why I don’t have many outside relationships leading to

they

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

can’t

Verb problem

not being able to

show examples

associate communication and gradually

Add a missing verb

being

show examples

isolated and

boredom

Correct your spelling

bored

show examples

feeling

Verb problem

apply

show examples

in their life. Fortunately,

having

Wrong verb form

we have

show examples

some solutions which make

this

decision. First of all, the government need to encourage about positive lifestyle for old

people

and

then

celebrate some activities which must be suitable in terms of their movement

as well as

provide these policies which serve and assistance by these volunteers who always stay with them in order to share and talk.

Furthermore

, it’s based on

this

plan that they

also

have friends more and treatment for mental health which will no longer feel sole. In conclusion, older

people

have a trend about sedentary and isolated

due to

age-related sicknesses that restrict movement issues. In my opinion, they need to participate in these activities in society in order to have good physicality and meet new

people

Submitted by huuhung1962001 on Sat May 06 2023

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task response

Your response partially addresses the task prompt. Make sure to fully discuss both the causes and solutions in relation to the lack of exercise among elderly people.

coherence cohesion

There is a general organization and logical flow in your essay. However, try to provide more cohesive and coherent arguments by providing clear topic sentences and developing your ideas fully.

lexical resource

Your lexical range is limited, and there are some errors in word choice and expression. Try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and use more precise and appropriate language.

grammatical range

Your grammatical range is acceptable, but there are some errors in sentence structure and verb tense consistency. Be mindful of your grammar and revise your sentences for clarity and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

255 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Experts say if older people spend their time with other people and exercise daily their lives will be happier and healthier. However many elderly are suffering from lack of fitness. Discuss cause and solution.

Fully explain your ideas

Many people are opting for several careers as compared to a single career to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People who go live in other countries should follow their customs and traditions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People today are spending more and more time outside of the home. What are the reasons for this trend? What effects is it having on individuals and society?

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. Many people think that it is good to eat traditional food while others believe that fast food is a good choice. Discuss both views and give your opinion.