The bar show about clubs joined by people of two different group 25-35 and 55-65.

#bar #show #clubs #people #two #group

The bar chart

evince

Change the verb form

evinces

show examples

about the various clubs joined by people of age between ,

group

Correct article usage

the group

show examples

of 25-35 and 55 -65 at a leisure centre in a small city. Looking from an

overall

perspective, it is readily apparent that ,

young

Add an article

the young

show examples

public

were

Correct subject-verb agreement

was

show examples

more engaged in cycling

while

elderly people were least interested in the same. It is observed that retired people were more interested in gardening accounting for 55%, and on the other ,hand youngsters showed the lowest ratio at 21%.

Further

both the age category followed an equal proportion for capturing pictures , showing a figure of 43% respectively. Interestingly, youth expressed attentiveness in creativity at 60% ,

while

senior citizens possess the least percentage at 20 considerably. Explaining

further

, compeers manifest to being equal for fitness. The former group presented 55% and the latter category

confer

Change the verb form

confers

show examples

for 50%.

Moreover

, it is observed that there was only a difference of a few portions in both age groups for music and dance correspondingly.

Submitted by samruddhinibandhe0 on Sat May 06 2023

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

163 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The bar show about clubs joined by people of two different group 25-35 and 55-65.

Fully explain your ideas

Nowadays an increasing numbers of profession such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can done to solve this.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case? What can be done to attract more local people to these museums?

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?