IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Universities should allocate the same amount of money to students sports activities as they allocate to their libraries . To what extent do you agree with this view ?

#universities #amount #money #students #sports #activities #libraries
“Hobbit, or there and back again” is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Tolkien’s adventure novel about a tiny hobbit in a huge
story
 of the “Middle
earth
Correct your spelling
Earth
show examples
”.
This
story
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 first book in a fantasy universe of Middle
earth
Correct your spelling
Earth
show examples
 and has just a small part of
lore
Add an article
the lore
show examples
, which will be completely written with a “Silmarillion” and will be published after dead of Tolkien.
Story
beginning
Wrong verb form
begins
show examples
 with
description
Add an article
a description
show examples
 of a peaceful
hobbits
Change noun form
hobbit's
show examples
 life, which
live
Change the verb form
lives
show examples
 in
a clean earth holes
Correct the article-noun agreement
a clean earth hole
clean earth holes
show examples
 in
Shire
Correct article usage
the Shire
show examples
. One of those hobbits
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Bilbo
 Baggins
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
visited a vizard Gandalf with 13 dwarfs.
On
Change preposition
At
show examples
this
 meeting Gandalf tells
Bilbo
 about their purpose —
keep
Fix the infinitive
to keep
show examples
 a way to the mountain which once belonged folk of dwarfs and now is captured
dragon
Change preposition
by dragon
show examples
 Smaug. On the way to the mountain with
companions
Correct pronoun usage
their companions
his companions
her companions
show examples
 happens several event’s like when they were in
Trolls
Change to a genitive case
Troll's
show examples
 prison and running out from
Goblins
Correct article usage
the Goblins
show examples
 into the cave when
Bilbo
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
find
Correct subject-verb agreement
finds
show examples
 the Ring.
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
 they approach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the mountains and try to kick out sitting at
hill
Correct article usage
a hill
show examples
 of gold Smaug. After his dead army of elves,
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 dwarfs and goblins come to the mountain with
purpose
Correct article usage
the purpose
show examples
 take a part of
Smaug
Change noun form
Smaug's
show examples
 treasure. Elves and dwarfs create
alliance
Fix the agreement mistake
alliances
show examples
 against goblins and successfully have victory.
Eventually
Add a comma
,Eventually
show examples
Bilbo
return
Correct subject-verb agreement
returns
show examples
 to the Shire and start
write
Change the form of the verb
writing
show examples
 the
story
 “Hobbit, or
there
Correct your spelling
There
show examples
 and back again” which he will finish after several tens of years when his son Frodo Baggins will start them own adventure
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: