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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Chart below shows Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing high school degree course showing their salary grade after 5 years.

Chart below shows Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing high school degree course showing their salary grade after 5 years.
#anthropology #graduates #university #school #course #salary #grade #years
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Illustrated by
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
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 chart is the
graduates
Use synonyms
 of destination of Anthropology
graduates
Use synonyms
 of a college
while
Linking Words
 the table depicts various monthly
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
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 for different kinds of
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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. Units measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that a significant proportion of
newly
Replace the word
new
show examples
graduates
Use synonyms
 were the majority
while
Linking Words
 daily staff and part-time employees
shown
Add a missing verb
were shown
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 as the least.
According to
Linking Words
 the governmental salary earners , they were paid highly compared with other
workers
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
 ,
personal
Add an article
the personal
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 company
revealed
Add a missing verb
was revealed
show examples
 to be the minority . To start with ,
anthropologist
Fix the agreement mistake
anthropologists
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 mounted over half of graduate
workers
Use synonyms
 and 5% of fresh
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
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 degree
holder
Fix the agreement mistake
holders
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 were one in twenty .
Nevertheless
Linking Words
 ,
non-
Correct your spelling
non-workers
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workers
Use synonyms
alumnus
Fix the agreement mistake
alumni
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 were noticed to be below a quarter of the sector.
Consequently
Linking Words
 , partially and unknown
graduates
Use synonyms
 of Anthropology accounted
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 8% exhibiting
a similar trends
Correct the article-noun agreement
a similar trend
similar trends
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. Next , from the tabular illustration, authority sectoral bodies were placed highly
since
Change preposition
in
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period
Add an article
the period
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 of five years
experienced
Change the form of the verb
experience
show examples
 as half of the population .Comparingly ,
free- lance
Correct your spelling
free-lance
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 consultants and government earners were categorized evenly with $25,000- 49,999 and $50,000-74,999 as 5% and 15% for each group .
In contrast
Linking Words
 ,it differs by
two- fifths
Correct your spelling
two-fifths
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 for freelance candidates though less than a third of government salaried
workers
Use synonyms
,both had $ 75,000 -99,999 .
Lastly
Linking Words
 , private
establishment
Fix the agreement mistake
establishments
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recorded
Add a missing verb
were recorded
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 as the lowest proportion with less than
two- thirds
Correct your spelling
two-thirds
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 of$100,00+ .
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, workers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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