Chart below shows Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing high school degree course showing their salary grade after 5 years.

Chart below shows Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing high school degree course showing their salary grade after 5 years.
Illustrated by
pie
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the pie
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chart is the
graduates
of destination of Anthropology
graduates
of a college
while
the table depicts various monthly
payment
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payments
show examples
for different kinds of
job
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jobs
show examples
. Units measured in percentages.
Overall
, it is evident that a significant proportion of
newly
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new
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graduates
were the majority
while
daily staff and part-time employees
shown
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were shown
show examples
as the least.
According to
the governmental salary earners , they were paid highly compared with other
workers
.
However
,
personal
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the personal
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company
revealed
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was revealed
show examples
to be the minority . To start with ,
anthropologist
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anthropologists
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mounted over half of graduate
workers
and 5% of fresh
bachelor
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bachelor's
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degree
holder
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holders
show examples
were one in twenty .
Nevertheless
,
non-
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non-workers
show examples
workers
alumnus
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alumni
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were noticed to be below a quarter of the sector.
Consequently
, partially and unknown
graduates
of Anthropology accounted
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
8% exhibiting
a similar trends
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a similar trend
similar trends
show examples
. Next , from the tabular illustration, authority sectoral bodies were placed highly
since
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in
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period
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the period
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of five years
experienced
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experience
show examples
as half of the population .Comparingly ,
free- lance
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free-lance
show examples
consultants and government earners were categorized evenly with $25,000- 49,999 and $50,000-74,999 as 5% and 15% for each group .
In contrast
,it differs by
two- fifths
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two-fifths
show examples
for freelance candidates though less than a third of government salaried
workers
,both had $ 75,000 -99,999 .
Lastly
, private
establishment
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establishments
show examples
recorded
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were recorded
show examples
as the lowest proportion with less than
two- thirds
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two-thirds
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of$100,00+ .
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, workers with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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