Today, many mothers take care of the family and do not go to work. Some people believe that the government should pay them their salaries. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is irrefutable that the mother is the backbone of any family so more and more
women
Use synonyms
chose
to do the housework rather than follow their career paths. Some people opine that they should receive payment from governments Wrong verb form
choose
while
others believe that it’s their responsibility to Linking Words
work
as well. I agree with the incipient notion.
On the one hand, in the 21st century in most parts of the Use synonyms
world
Add a comma
world,
women
have independence and nowadays they are entitled to have the same rights as men. Use synonyms
Therefore
, numerous Linking Words
mothers
prefer to Use synonyms
work
simultaneously Use synonyms
while
they Linking Words
upbringing
their children. Verb problem
raise
Thus
, they are quiet because they know that they are capable of earning Linking Words
money
to satisfy their kids’ needs. Use synonyms
Moreover
, divorces are becoming increasingly common in recent years and the majority of Linking Words
mothers
are afraid because if they are jobless and their men leave ladies will suffer from poverty and will be no longer able to look after the kids. Use synonyms
Hence
, Linking Words
mothers
desire their own savings and funds.
On the other side of the argument, I firmly believe that if Use synonyms
mothers
receive Use synonyms
money
from the government Use synonyms
this
will considerably ease their lives. Linking Words
Firstly
, Linking Words
women
are busy coping with a variety of chores every day Use synonyms
such
as cooking, cleaning, etc. So if they have to go to Linking Words
work
, moms will not have enough time to take care of their offspring. Use synonyms
Thus
, the kids will start to eat fast food Linking Words
instead
of freshly cooked by their Linking Words
parent
and will spend hours on their phones waiting for Fix the agreement mistake
parents
her
to get back home after Correct pronoun usage
them
work
. Use synonyms
Secondly
, I Linking Words
women
receive funds anyone in the family will know their role. Use synonyms
For instance
, men will go to Linking Words
work
in order to make Use synonyms
money
for their family, Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
women
will stay at home to Use synonyms
end
that any of the family members will feel cosy and loved.
To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that I support the idea that governments should donate Verb problem
ensure
money
to Use synonyms
mothers
and Use synonyms
this
will result in the family’s well-being.Linking Words
Submitted by elitsankova2005 on
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logical structure
Try to ensure your ideas flow logically from one to another. For instance, the transition between discussing women's independence and divorce could be smoother.
relevant specific examples
Provide more detailed specific examples to support your points, such as some statistics or real-life instances where government support has benefitted mothers.
clear comprehensive ideas
In some places, sentence structures and word choices could be clearer. For example, the sentence "Thus, they are quiet because they know that they are capable of earning money..." may need rephrasing for clarity.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
complete response
You've offered a complete response to the task, addressing both perspectives on the issue of government payment for mothers at home.
clear comprehensive ideas
You employ a wide range of vocabulary and sentence structures, showcasing your command of the English language.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example