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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. how might having a lot of money make people happy? what other things in life make poeple happy?

#people #life #money #poeple
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Many individuals opine that a direct route
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
happiness
Use synonyms
 is wealth.People who have a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 can have
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 comfortable
life
Use synonyms
 than the ones who
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, there are other things in
life
Use synonyms
 which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more important
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 and give individual satisfaction and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to create
happiness
Use synonyms
 in
life
Use synonyms
. on the one hand, there are
numerouse
Correct your spelling
numerous
 ways to be happy when
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gigabucks
Correct your spelling
megabucks
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
easy access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 every convenient thing they want in
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, expensive
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 or cars.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they can travel the world and can visit where ever they like. The ability to own anything and do whatever they want gives them joy.
Thus
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 helps people to own any kind of
life
Use synonyms
 they want to enjoy.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, with a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 people can bring
happiness
Use synonyms
 in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 lives but it does not mean that there is not any other thing which can make them happy.The best example of it is relationships and family. A healthy relationship
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 multitudes immense joy and
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
spending
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality time with
lovedones
Correct your spelling
loved ones
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them
satistfaction
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
human
Add an article
a human
the human
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 cannot enjoy their whole
life
Use synonyms
 with only
money
Use synonyms
, they need
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 family around, with whom they can share their
happiness
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 is important to survive in
this
Linking Words
 materialistic world and
money
Use synonyms
 can be a way to enjoy
life
Use synonyms
buy
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
 buying expensive things but having family and friends around gives satisfaction in
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by raveenagw9 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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