IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Healthcare should not be provided for free regardless of a person’s income. The health of a person is in their own hands and they should, therefore, be held accountable for that. To what extend do you agree with this opinion?

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In these individualization societies, people often just think of their personal issues and ignore the needs of the broader society for instant healthcare. Public now often advocate for offending free
health
Use synonyms
 care in the nation, where they
claimed
Wrong verb form
claim
show examples
 that
health
Use synonyms
 is an individual issue and that the law should not allocate funds for that sector. I strongly disagree that the community need to fully pay for their well-being care
due to
Linking Words
 well-being is a personal concern. In the following paragraphs, I will delve into the subject with examples by demonstrating my standpoint.
Firstly
Linking Words
, everyone's
health
Use synonyms
 problems are significant individual matters, but
while
Linking Words
 we critically look at these problems we often
found that
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 connections between
health
Use synonyms
 and society.
For example
Linking Words
, the population who have lung infections might be living in a place
that is
Linking Words
 close to industrial areas.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the environment that they staying in has crucially impacted their well-being.
This
Linking Words
 is one of the reasons, the politics should fund
this
Linking Words
 sector, because the communities do get benefits from the industry to build a stronger economy in the nation. Another
facts
Fix the agreement mistake
fact
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the impact of generational trauma where a community might have a mental and physical disability
due to
Linking Words
 their genetics and family history.
Likewise
Linking Words
, for the community that survives the war, the next generations would have some well-being concerns about genetics as their parents have been infected during the war that includes: Nuclear boom.
As a result
Linking Words
, the younger generation might be born with a disability or cognitively impacted their development process. In conclusion, the authority should support the system to be able to assist communities who lack support and need assistance from well-being responsibility practitioners. From my knowledge, I reiterate the disagreement of the authority to terminate their support of
health
Use synonyms
 care systems.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on refining your logical structure by ensuring your essay presents a clear flow of ideas. Each point should smoothly transition to the next.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effective, but continue to strengthen your thesis with specific argument framing.
Task Response
Aim to deepen your analysis by elaborating more on the connections between your examples and your central argument.
Task Response
Clarify your main ideas and ensure each paragraph has a clear focus.
Task Response
Your essay provides relevant examples, such as the environmental impact on health and generational trauma, which effectively support your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, giving your essay a strong framework and context for your argument.
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