Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #world

Some

people

believe that we have become more dependent on each other,

while

others

think that the opposite has become the case. I am convinced that

this

is a very intricate matter and

need

Correct subject-verb agreement

needs

show examples

thorough investigations to determine which opinion is correct.

People

now live in a very advanced modern world, where we are accompanied by

technology

almost

Change preposition

in almost

show examples

every step we take in our lives. Our infrastructure has become so advanced and sophisticated that we cannot function

our

Change preposition

in our

show examples

daily lives without certain services provided for us.

For instance

, in large cities, electricity is extremely essential in peoples’ lives, many businesses, hospitals, schools and

residentials

Correct your spelling

residential

show examples

depend on it. A day without those who provide it for us, chaos will take place in cities, it indicates how dependent we have become in

this

society.

Moreover

, because of the complex

technology

, some

people

may find themselves being more dependent on

others

since they are not able to keep up with the

technology

. The most common example of

this

will be

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

elderly

people

needing help with their mobile phones.

On the other hand

, because of

technology

, the trend of living in isolation has

also

increased staggeringly in recent years, which may show that

people

have become more independent on a personal level because of it. Personally, I enjoy living by myself without having to communicate with

others

all the time. I can accomplish

this

only by means of modern

technology

, by ordering food through apps, by working

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

online and by making friends on the internet, allowing me and a lot of

others

to be more independent.

To conclude

while

people

on an individual level have become more independent, I believe that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

complicated technologies have made

people

more dependent on each other than ever.

Submitted by pyaekyitharchaw884 on Sun May 07 2023

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

292 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

interdependence
globalization
technological advancements
collective action
digital evolution
minimal reliance
direct interaction
empowered
access to technology
societal expectations
personal choice
leverage

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Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Virtual reality be used as a tool for therapeutic interventions and mental health treatments. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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