IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #world
Some
people
 believe that we have become more dependent on each other,
while
others
 think that the opposite has become the case. I am convinced that
this
 is a very intricate matter and
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 thorough investigations to determine which opinion is correct.
People
 now live in a very advanced modern world, where we are accompanied by
technology
almost
Change preposition
in almost
show examples
 every step we take in our lives. Our infrastructure has become so advanced and sophisticated that we cannot function
our
Change preposition
in our
show examples
 daily lives without certain services provided for us.
For instance
, in large cities, electricity is extremely essential in peoples’ lives, many businesses, hospitals, schools and
residentials
Correct your spelling
residential
show examples
 depend on it. A day without those who provide it for us, chaos will take place in cities, it indicates how dependent we have become in
this
 society.
Moreover
, because of the complex
technology
, some
people
 may find themselves being more dependent on
others
 since they are not able to keep up with the
technology
. The most common example of
this
 will be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly
people
 needing help with their mobile phones.
On the other hand
, because of
technology
, the trend of living in isolation has
also
 increased staggeringly in recent years, which may show that
people
 have become more independent on a personal level because of it. Personally, I enjoy living by myself without having to communicate with
others
 all the time. I can accomplish
this
 only by means of modern
technology
, by ordering food through apps, by working
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online and by making friends on the internet, allowing me and a lot of
others
 to be more independent.
To conclude
,
while
people
 on an individual level have become more independent, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
complicated technologies have made
people
 more dependent on each other than ever.
Submitted by pyaekyitharchaw884 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: