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Band 5

In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. what are the causes? these young criminals should to be punished?

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it is becomingly increasing common that more and more
children
Use synonyms
 and
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
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 make
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 in the whole world. I will convince the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and how the government punish young
people
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 in the following paragraphs. There are two main reasons why more and more young
people
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 are committing
crimes
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. The primary factor we need to take into consideration is that more and more
parents
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 are busy
on
Change preposition
with
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 work rather than
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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 time with their
children
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.The reason why they did
this
Linking Words
 is that the work pressure of
parents
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 is
also
Linking Words
 gradually increasing with the development of
social
Add an article
the social
a social
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 economy.
Therefore
Linking Words
 , the personality of
children
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 who lack
parents
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’ care may become worse.
As a result
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，when
parents
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 do not take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
children
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, these
children
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 are more likely to commit
crimes
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, is that using social
media
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 will make
children
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 more likely to commit
crimes
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.
For example
Linking Words
, some
children
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 imitate the criminal behaviour of the news that they saw on social
media
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 because they do not know what can do and what they can not do. So
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
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 could cause more young
people
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commit
Add the particle
to commit
show examples
crimes
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 Here are some approaches
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to punish young offenders. Some young criminals, especially those who only make small mistakes, could be re-educated.These
people
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 committed
crimes
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 because they developed a negative personality without the education of their
parents
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 when they were young. So,through re-education, they can know the things they do would bring
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 others and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not do that anymore.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is good to re-educate
this
Linking Words
 part of
children
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.
On the contrary
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,
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young offenders who made a serious
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
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should be imprisoned in juvenile prison.Some teenagers and
children
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 have hurt or even killed
people
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. If they are not isolated from other
children
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, it may lead to more serious results.So it is reasonable to lock up these
people
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. In conclusion，In my opinion,it
is seems
Change the verb form
seems
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 that the main reason for the increasing number of young offenders in the world comes from family and social
media
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, and the government should choose the suitable punishment for these
people
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.

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