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Writing Samples
Band 6

The probability of an offender committing a crime after serving the first punishment has increased. What is the reason for this and how can this problem be tackled

#probability #offender #crime #first #punishment #reason
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Nowadays, there is a fact, that the percentage of crime and punishment of different
thiefs
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thieves
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, offenders and criminals after first sitting in
a
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apply
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jail, has extremely risen.
That is
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 an issue, that should be solved as soon as
it
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apply
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possible
,
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apply
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 because it is worth tackling until it
lead
Change the verb form
leads
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 to negative consequences.
This
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 essay will discuss all
main
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the main
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 problems and give some
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
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.
First
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The first
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 thing to mention is that by
statictics
Correct your spelling
statistics
,
thiefs
Correct your spelling
thieves
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, criminals,
prisoners
Correct word choice
and prisoners
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 are all people without education, so they can not apply for a job and even work as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
waiters
Correct the article-noun agreement
waiter
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 or in
a
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apply
show examples
security
,
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apply
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 because the salary is too low.
As a result
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, they steal money, jewellery, cars, smartphones,
keys
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and keys
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 and grab apartments because of
shortage
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a shortage
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 of money for life.
That is
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 why, the approximate solution for authorities or government is to make salaries higher or to decrease prices of main products
as
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such as
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 milk, water, salt, bread, oil and so on. Because all of
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 products are provided in prisons and there is no opportunity there to earn money and to get a qualified job.
Next
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The next
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noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 thing is that, when
person
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a person
the person
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 starts doing something and he likes it, he will particularly never stop doing that, and the same goes with
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
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, it is like drugs or alcohol. So, when
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this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
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 of people are free after prison, they do not feel a fault
of
Change preposition
for
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 things that they have done and
that is
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 why, they
continuing
Change the form of the verb
continue
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 doing the exact actings. The solution for
that is
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 to increase the period of time, staying in
a
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apply
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jail.
For example
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,
instead
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 of 5 years, put 10 years and work there, as in a fabric for the benefit of
planet
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the planet
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 or environment.
To sum up
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, the problem of offenders, who are continuing
doing
Change the verb form
to do
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 the same thing, after serving the first or the second punishment is really
actual
Correct article usage
the actual
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 recent 10 years. And unless
crimers
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crimes
 want to improve and behave well, nobody can change their point of view and even way of thinking.
However
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, just to make sure and confident,
government
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the government
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 can take
in to
Join the words
into
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 consideration and pay
an
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apply
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attention to
approximate
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the approximate
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 solutions, that are given above.
Submitted by zhdanova_veronik on

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