IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

“A Thousand Spledid Suns” is published in 2007 by Afghan American author Khaled Hossein. This is a story about two women who believe in a little hope and try to stay strong despite being oppressed by history, culture and violence in Afghanistan, a country that still has a male-dominated mindset due to its faith and culture.

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The number of
people
Use synonyms
 who are moving to a different country from their native place.
While
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that they should follow the customs and traditions if they come
other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
 nations to live, I partially agree with
this
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 idea. It is important to know the habits and follow them but it should not be your first priority because it might take your
identity
Use synonyms
 away. First of all, it is very important for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreigners to follow what the local
people
Use synonyms
 do in order to get
along with
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 them.
For example
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, in Asia,
people
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does
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do
show examples
 not prefer to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
hug
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others unless they are family or close friends.
On the other hand
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, in North America, it is common to have
hug
Correct article usage
a hug
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 even if they meet for the first time. If American tries to conduct
hug
Correct article usage
a hug
show examples
 with
people
Use synonyms
 in Asia,
asians
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Asians
show examples
 will
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
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 like they are
harrased
Correct your spelling
harassed
 and are likely to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
distance from them.
Therefore
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, you should know the manners in
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 community and should make an effort to follow them.
However
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, it is unnecessary for you
follow
Add the particle
to follow
show examples
 the local rules completely. You have your own
identity
Use synonyms
 and that gives you your own beliefs and confidence. If you
adgust
Correct your spelling
adjust
 yourself entirely in the local culture, your
identity
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 might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
disappeard
Correct your spelling
disappear
 and
consequently
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,
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
 self-esteem. In my opinion, the importance here is that you should know the boundary of
people
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 in the different
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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. By knowing what
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them mad or happy and keeping them in mind, you could build a
enrich
Replace the word
enriching
show examples
 community around yourself. In conclusion, some may argue that if
people
Use synonyms
 move into a different nation, they should follow their customs, but I, to some degree, agree with
this
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 thought.
Although
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 following
such
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 local habits is vital to put yourself into a local community, if you totally fit yourself into
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 culture, you may
also
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loose
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lose
show examples
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
identity
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, I believe that knowing the boundary of local
people
Use synonyms
 and
follow
Wrong verb form
following
show examples
 the customs based on it is most important to make both you and
Use synonyms
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 there happier.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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