The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely acknowledged by people that participating in
sports
at school is the best way to educate
children
to be cooperative in their daily lives. I personally do not stand for
this
assumption since nowadays pupils can easily learn it from movies.
Besides
, the fact that not every child is eager to do
activity
Add an article
an activity
the activity
show examples
that needs physical ability like
sports
should be considered.
To begin
with, there are plenty of movies which have topics about teamwork and now it is accessible for anyone including
children
.
Besides
, they
also
can learn other soft
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
like language without needing a big effort to do it.
For instance
, an English cartoon movie called Aladin shows how the main actor collaborates with his team to build a castle, and it shows the enjoyment during the process which is
also
good for
children
for being calm when it comes to merging with their peers.
Therefore
, being
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cooperative can be done by entertaining them. On the
same
Correct word choice
other
show examples
hand, not every
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
feels comfortable
to do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
an activity related to exercise, and it is non-negligible for parents to support them.
According to
BBC
this
summer, 6 out of 10 pupils do not enjoy activity-related
sports
and they prefer to spend their time playing dolls, especially for females.
Not to mention
, playing dolls with peers could
also
be a potential way to improve their ability
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
terms of collaborating.
Hence
, It becomes clear that
sports
should be an optional way to get those soft skills.
To sum up
,
it is clear that
the ability of pupils to work with their peers can be improved by watching an educational TV series
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and
doing
Verb problem
playing
show examples
certain games with their friends.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a more logical structure by clearly outlining your main points in the introduction and linking them throughout the essay. Use a variety of cohesive devices to better link ideas together.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that you fully respond to the prompt by addressing 'to what extent' you agree or disagree. Elaborate more on your ideas and provide more in-depth examples to support your argument. Balance your argument by considering the other viewpoint and refute it with strong evidence.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!