The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #team #sports #school

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It is widely acknowledged by people that participating in

sports

Use synonyms

at school is the best way to educate

children

Use synonyms

to be cooperative in their daily lives. I personally do not stand for

this

Linking Words

assumption since nowadays pupils can easily learn it from movies.

Besides

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, the fact that not every child is eager to do

activity

Add an article

an activity

the activity

show examples

that needs physical ability like

sports

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should be considered.

To begin

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with, there are plenty of movies which have topics about teamwork and now it is accessible for anyone including

children

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Besides

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, they

also

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can learn other soft

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

like language without needing a big effort to do it.

For instance

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, an English cartoon movie called Aladin shows how the main actor collaborates with his team to build a castle, and it shows the enjoyment during the process which is

also

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good for

children

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for being calm when it comes to merging with their peers.

Therefore

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, being

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

cooperative can be done by entertaining them. On the

same

Correct word choice

other

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hand, not every

Use synonyms

children

Change to a singular noun

child

show examples

feels comfortable

to do

Change the verb form

doing

show examples

an activity related to exercise, and it is non-negligible for parents to support them.

According to

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BBC

this

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summer, 6 out of 10 pupils do not enjoy activity-related

sports

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and they prefer to spend their time playing dolls, especially for females.

Not to mention

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, playing dolls with peers could

also

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be a potential way to improve their ability

Change preposition

apply

show examples

terms of collaborating.

Hence

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, It becomes clear that

sports

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should be an optional way to get those soft skills.

To sum up

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it is clear that

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the ability of pupils to work with their peers can be improved by watching an educational TV series

Remove the comma

apply

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and

doing

Verb problem

playing

show examples

certain games with their friends.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Tue May 09 2023

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coherence cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a more logical structure by clearly outlining your main points in the introduction and linking them throughout the essay. Use a variety of cohesive devices to better link ideas together.

task achievement

For task achievement, ensure that you fully respond to the prompt by addressing 'to what extent' you agree or disagree. Elaborate more on your ideas and provide more in-depth examples to support your argument. Balance your argument by considering the other viewpoint and refute it with strong evidence.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

281 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cooperation
teamwork
communication
values
applied
aspects
belonging
camaraderie
participating
essential
social skills

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The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why is this? Who benefits more from this, the communities or these young people?

modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced amount of time people spend seeing their friends this has had a negative effect on their social lives. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Write an email to your brother in about 150-200 words. Your email should do the following things: • Name the destination you have in mind. • Briefly describe your previous experience in this place • Talk about some of this place's features