IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

it is important for people to take risks, of in their proffesional lifes and their personal lifes.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
people
Use synonyms
 advocate that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 risk-taking is essential whether it concerns their professional
life
Use synonyms
 or private
life
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Despite the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a risky decision may cause short-term setbacks,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 greatly overweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
, as I believe that it is not possible for one to have a prosperous
life
Use synonyms
 without it.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is known that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 like to have stability in their lives and any kind of uncertain situation has a possibility to cause restlessness. So, when the outcomes are unpredictable, these
people
Use synonyms
 mostly abstain from taking a decision in respect of their occupation or personal relationships.
However
Linking Words
, it is not possible
go
Add the particle
to go
show examples
 forward in
life
Use synonyms
 like that. Even though, it may seem like playing with fire, a risky attempt regarding an individual’s professional
life
Use synonyms
 may have significant advantages. Take
for instance
Linking Words
, when a worker is not satisfied with their employment, they should have
courage
Change the article
the courage
show examples
 to quit and seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new opportunities. They may be unemployed for some time, but
while
Linking Words
 searching for better conditions, they may have a chance to make new contacts with businessmen, which will enable them to find a job with more desirable career improvement and
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 salary.
Also
Linking Words
, they will have time to focus on improving their mental health.
In addition
Linking Words
, risk-taking is
also
Linking Words
 crucial to have healthy relationships. One may have experienced many traumas in the past.
Hence
Linking Words
, they may refrain from commitment.
However
Linking Words
, if they can take a leap of faith, they may actually make close friendships and even find their significant other. That being said, it doesn’t mean that humans should blindly trust in others, caution is still needed to avoid
further
Linking Words
 hardships. In conclusion, I believe that,
although
Linking Words
 risk-taking may cause temporary problems, it has more upsides than downsides
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the long run. As bold choices
enables
Change the verb form
enable
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to both improve their professional lives through new connections and opportunities,
as well as
Linking Words
 their personal relationships.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: