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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many countries thought that children have to do homework in their free time while other say children should do more outdoor activity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #homework #time #activity
Students have been
encouraging
Wrong verb form
encouraged
show examples
 to learn something in
school
 and after
school
 timing. It
argue
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argues
show examples
 many
nations
Change noun form
nations'
nation's
show examples
 administration that, students should get some
home
 assignments in the form of homework and have to complete their leisure
time
.
while
 others believe that at
younger
Add an article
a younger
show examples
 age they have to do some outdoor activities that make them physically and mentally active. I completely disagree with the first notion because the additional load of study make a student introvert
as well as
, harms his mental development. I will discuss my disagreement points with reasons in a forthcoming paragraph. To commence with,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
home tasks
a home task
show examples
home
 tasks
deteriot
Correct your spelling
determine
Correct article usage
the physically
show examples
physically
Change the word
physical
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 and
mentally
Change the word
mental
show examples
 health of a child. To dive into roots, a student
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 most of his
time
to complete
Change the verb form
completing
show examples
 his
home
 assessment. It has a
deterimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 effect on his behaviour as leads to some health issues
such
 as headaches and
eyeside
Correct your spelling
eye side
 problems.
For instance
, Stanford University
investigaed
Correct your spelling
investigated
 about
time
 periods on studies they suggest that
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
more than two hours have
harmful
Add an article
a harmful
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 effect on health.
Furthermore
, in fear of completing
home
 tasks a student
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
 always
trying
Add the particle
totrying
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 work hard and
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 less socialized and
due to
this
 he even has less confidence than others. He has no
time
 to learn other activities
such
 as dance and music that makes him active.
To conclude
, I completely disagree about the extra
home
 tasks for the children. Spending six
hourse
Correct your spelling
hours
 in
school
 give teenagers abundant
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
data so students should have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to do some activities
according to
 their interest after
school
time
.
Submitted by aqsagoraya9 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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