IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people believe that the increased presence of violence in films and television these days in responsible for the rising incidents of violent crimes among youths in society. They argued that government have a duty to control the media so as to reduce this phenomenon. Do you agree with this argument?

#people #presence #violence #films #television #incidents #crimes #youths #society #government #duty #control #media #phenomenon #argument
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's rapid age of modern society, thanks to the advances of technology, individuals can assess to all sources of entertainment easily. Some people opine that
this
Linking Words
 can have severe repercussions on the audiences,
in particular
Linking Words
 the young generation, as some programs may contain violent
scenes
Use synonyms
;
thus
Linking Words
, the authority should take action on
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will elaborate on the reasons why I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. On the one hand, the government has the responsibility to set up the minimum age for adult-related
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, entertainment businesses should engage with media publishers to edit all the bloody violent
scenes
Use synonyms
 to guarantee they are appropriate for the youth.
For instance
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the label of 18 plus, the action movie Xman in Vietnam which contains some bullying
scenes
Use synonyms
 has restricted juvenile audiences.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, since parents play a crucial role in their children's upbringing, they have to limit the kids' amount of time for entertainment purposes. To illustrate, young
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 can have some specific time of the day when they can let their hair down after tiring days at school by watching some intriguing videos.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the contents of those clips should be under parental guidance by placing the Tv in the living room in lieu of the bedroom. All things considered, it seems to me that violent-related
scenes
Use synonyms
 should be on a high agenda as one of the most alarming states of affairs, which can lead to youngsters' misbehaviour. It is not any individual's duty but it is the case that society should work cooperatively to enlighten the youth.
Submitted by nguyenvutrucmy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: