Giving detail information of Crime in newspaper and on television has bad consequences, some suggest that government should impose some restriction on them. What extent you agree or disagree?

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Introduction

It is sometimes argued that the huge popularity of violent information on social media can be attributed to harassment,

thus

Linking Words

, some data should be restricted. I completely agree with

this

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statement.

Body paragraph 1

First of all, in the era of globalization, People can get bombarded with numerous mass media which are reachable to everyone whether adults or adolescents.

Thus

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, some harmful behaviours shown in criminal news can bring about crime in children or dangerous actions.

For example

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, in the

last

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10 years, mass murders have increased because people, youth

in particular

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, copy

this

Linking Words

threatening action from detailed information about a murder on television.

Furthermore

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, by being published in public, severe images being normalized will allow children to view them as a common incident.

For instance

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, in America, an abundance of pupils have been killed by their own schoolmates who try to imitate

this

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hazardous behaviour from a computer game that they commonly take every day.

Body paragraph 2

Consequently

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, To tackle

this

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problem, they should limit the age of certain dangerous news and censor harsh pictures,

thus

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, these cruel mediums can be less and less accessible to youngsters.

Moreover

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, citizens ought to be educated about data purification,

hence

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, they will be able to distinguish what should be delivered

Change preposition

show examples

them.

For example

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, the criminal process should no longer be shown in media because children will imitate

this

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conduct,

moreover

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, parents should counter

this

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attack by controlling their kids when they are delivered messages from television.

Conclusion

To conclude

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, from my perspective,

this

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statement is correct. to overcome

this

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dangerous action, the government should keep the medium, newspapers and television,

in particular

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, free of violation by limiting the detail.

amittawin

May 11, 2023

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coherence cohesion

Your essay demonstrates weak logical structure, and the main points are not adequately supported.

task response

Your response does not fully address the task. The link between violent information on social media and the suggestion for government restrictions is vague.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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Giving detail information of Crime in newspaper and on television has bad consequences, some suggest that government should impose some restriction on them. What extent you agree or disagree?

More and more people are using computer and electric devices to access information, therefore there is no need for printed books, magazines and newspapers on paper. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries, very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It can be difficult for small local shops to compete with large supermarkets and with on-line shops. How does this affect local communities? What could be done to improve this situation?

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.