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Writing Samples
Band 5

Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents due to the fact that their parents are busy working. To what extend do you think it effects the while family?

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For over the
last
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 two or three decades, spending
time
Use synonyms
 with offspring
is being
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 decreased as
time
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 goes by. There has been a shocking increase in the number of children who are raised by their
grandparents
Use synonyms
. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the devastating effects of
this
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 situation with relevant examples. On the one hand, the majority of couples are snowed with too much work since these days lifestyle both
parents
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are
Verb problem
have
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 duties ;
therefore
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, none of them have adequate
time
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 for upbringing so
grandparents
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 take the responsibility of rearing their grandchildren. As proven by statistics, three out of every five infants are taken to their
grandparents
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' house on a daily basis and come back home at night.
For instance
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, my niece is taken to a Park with my mother because of her lack of enough
time
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 within a day by her procreators.
As a consequence
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, a strong bond is developed between kids and
grandparents
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 in comparison with their
parents
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, and
hence
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, has a negative effect on family relationships.
On the other hand
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, a growing number of nations consider that traditional upbringing methods that are performed by elderly generations have positive Impacts on babies.
This
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 is because modern mothers even if they are free prefer giving their infants to their own mothers with the aim of valuable experience that
grandparents
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are acquired
Wrong verb form
acquire
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 over a long period.
In addition
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, the result of a survey in the USA explored that youngsters who were brought up by
grandparents
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 look up to their
parents
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 with great respect compared to those who were raised by their
parents
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.
As a result
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,
grandparents
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' knowledge,
as well as
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 traditional methods, could result in decent behaviours. In conclusion,the family members spend as low as
time
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 with each other which gives rise to several unprecedented unwelcome results. Personally, In my opinion, one of the
parents
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 should take the responsibility of child-rearing
due to
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 building
a strong emotional bonds
Correct the article-noun agreement
strong emotional bonds
a strong emotional bond
show examples
 among family members rather than imposing their duties on
grandparents
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.

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task response
The essay provides a somewhat complete response to the question, but the ideas are not adequately developed. Clearer and more comprehensive examples and ideas are needed to fully address the question.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure in most parts of the essay, but the introduction and conclusion need improvement. Work on organizing the essay into clear paragraphs, and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting ideas.
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