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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many part of the world, children are given more freedom than in the past. Is this a positive or negative development?

#part #world #children #freedom #development
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It is a fact that
,
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apply
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children are getting more independence in many parts around the globe than earlier. In my perspective,
this
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 is a positive approach because it can bring up more benefits like building up a successful future and intellectual growth. Primarily,by getting freedom in childhood , their thinking ability will advance without any restrictions. To illustrate, they are free to think about their future and deliver their ideas in front of others without any hesitation which helps to enhance their personal development .
For example
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 , earlier there were some limitations on
such
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 activities because they were not heard by elders . Apart from that , they are getting the right to choose their career, without any directions or structured curriculum from their parents or teachers. They are choosing their profession or subjects to study ,
according to
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 their talents rather than going behind the instructions from their guardians.
Furthermore
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, by Choosing themselves, they are getting trained in wealth and financial management. To explain, earlier they depended
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on
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their parents to spend their money and needed to ask permission from them. But nowadays they can buy things
according to
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 their choice and likes, so they will be more selective and learn the value of money.
In addition
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 to that, they are learning more to mingle with society by interacting with various groups of people and using social media platforms
For instance
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 ,nowadays children are allowed to ask questions to the leaders of administration and most nations are allocating time for children to interact with their leaders. In conclusion, by giving freedom in childhood, they
are learning
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learn
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 how to decide their future
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and
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Manage their wealth and
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
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 in the community . Because of these reasons
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,
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I consider it
is
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a positive development.
Submitted by geokavalackal on

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task response
The essay addresses the question and provides a comprehensive response. However, the introduction and conclusion could be improved to better frame the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure overall, but there are some areas where the coherence and cohesion could be enhanced. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion are lacking, impacting the overall coherence of the essay.
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