IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it is possible for them to do Do you agree or disagree?

#people #idea #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some persons are of the view that engaging the elderly in official duties
while
 they have the capacity to
work
 is important. I totally disagree with
this
 thought as it can lower the chances of youth employment and reduce
productivity
Add an article
the productivity
show examples
 of the organisations.
This
 essay will highlight the reasons for my opinion and expatiate with relevant examples. Unemployment is a major economic problem for affected communities. Retaining old people in active service can be detrimental to
societal
Add an article
the societal
show examples
 economy as it will lower the chances of engaging the young folks into labour. More so, using strength as a
criteria
Correct the article-noun agreement
criterion
show examples
 for retirement will cause difficulties in determining retirement time
hence
, increasing the population of jobless and financially independent youth.
For instance
: United
Nation
Fix the agreement mistake
Nations
show examples
 recorded
greater
Add an article
a greater
show examples
 population of aged workers in
south
Correct your spelling
South
show examples
 Asia during a population census. The exercise
also
 reported
increased
Correct article usage
an increased
show examples
 crime rate resulting from unemployment.
Therefore
 it is evident that keeping old folks in the field will be harmful to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Owing to the fact that
degenerative
Correct article usage
a degenerative
show examples
 process must occur, it is essential that humans create a period of rest and leisure as
this
 will help reduce the effects of degenerative changes in humans. The issue of rest can never be
over emphasised
Add a hyphen
over-emphasised
show examples
 because having time out improves productivity and better health. Keeping old people at
work
 will yield poor performance
due to
 the fact that they become more fragile.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 Nestle experienced
economic
Add an article
an economic
show examples
 crisis in the year 2002 when they had more
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 above
60years
Correct your spelling
60 years
 of age in office. After a
Correct your spelling
deliberation
delibration
Add a comma
,delibration
show examples
 the organisation decided to employ younger
work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
 and had a better output after few months. In essence, old folks should be retired from active service to allow organisational growth. Conclusively,
departure
Add an article
a departure
show examples
 from
work
 should be based on age for the purpose of creating employment opportunities and promoting organisational performance
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: