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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Topic: Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
Presently, many men and women are leaving their homes for jobs.
This
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 essay will argue that despite the loneliness and the longing a person might feel, the benefits of moving for a better job opportunity and a higher income far outweigh any drawbacks.
Body paragraph 1
Everyone has someone that they care about and it is a robust feeling to live far away from them. People may feel homesick to their own motherland, as they grew and created a special memory with their friends.
Furthermore
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, losing family support is a frustrating experience, a person may not find help when needed.
For instance
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, some working parents can not leave their children alone at home and they have no close relatives to help them at
this
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 time.
However
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, building a better
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
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 will lead to an increase in income and help to overcome the difficulties.
Body paragraph 2
It is hard for some people to leave their families and move to another place for work, but the fact that big cities have more appropriate chances for work is attractive for a better future. Big countries are developing faster than rural areas as many companies require more employees.
For example
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, the Ikea company started in a small town and
then
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 moved to Saudi Arabia achieved a 55% increase in sales and developed to become a worldwide firm.
Moreover
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, These big corporations are offering higher salaries for workers. The payment for a worker will rise,and a person will be able to purchase goods with no worry.
This
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 will lead to a better life expectancy and a better career ladder.
Conclusion
In conclusion, The increase
of
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in
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 an employee's pay and the improvement of the work ladder far outweigh the tough sensations of departure to a foreign state.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in your introduction outlining the main points you will discuss. This will help guide the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
In your body paragraphs, ensure that each main point is supported by more specific examples or explanations to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to maintain a more consistent structure in your paragraphs, ensuring each one has a clear topic sentence and logical development.
Language/Grammar
Be mindful of small grammatical errors and punctuation, as they can affect readability and overall impression. Proofreading can help catch these.
Task Achievement
You have a clear opinion in your essay which indicates a good understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Your examples demonstrate a relevant understanding of how job relocation can affect individuals and their families.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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