IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Government investments in the arts, such as music and theatre , is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or diagree?

#government #investments #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services #diagree
Some parts of the population believe that the authorities showing interest in investing in
arts
such
 as
music
 and
theatre
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 a complete waste of
funds
 and
such
funds
 should be jeered towards improving public services
instead
. I totally disagree with
this
 statement because investing in
arts
such
 as
music
 and
theatre
 is a
way
 of sustaining the cultural identity and diversity of the
nation
 and it is
also
 a means of generating more revenue for the
nation
 through tourism. These points will be
further
 explained with relevant examples in subsequent paragraphs.
Firstly
, a
nation
 is made up of diverse cultures that are represented through
arts
such
 as
music
 and
theatre
.
Moreover
, investing in
arts
 will be very beneficial because the identity of all cultures will be preserved for future generations.
For example
, storytelling can be done with
music
 and paintings which will be a
way
 of upholding the values of the culture and various festivals done with the assistance of government
funds
 will give the indigenes a sense of belonging which will in turn foster unity in diversity.
Secondly
, revenue can be generated by creating
tourist’s
Change noun form
tourist
show examples
 attraction sites through the use of art.
For instance
,
tourist’s
Change noun form
tourist
show examples
 attraction sites
such
 as
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
, musical theatres or movie theatres receive thousands of visitors daily from all over the world,
this
 will create a positive surge in the economy of the
nation
 which will not only be beneficial to the government but will
also
 be profitable to the population at large. In conclusion, it is very important to note that investing
funds
 in
arts
such
 as
music
 and
theatre
 should not be seen as a waste.
Instead
, it should be seen as a
way
 of safeguarding cultural heritage and
also
 a
way
 of boosting the country’s economy through tourism.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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