Instructions Read the question below and write an opinion essay. Remember to write down a clear thesis statement followed by your essay plan. Only then attempt to write this essay. Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, top
stars
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who are in the field of acting
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
are very conscious about their
buety
Correct your spelling
beauty

If you don’t want buety to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

,
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they are concentrating on their remuneration rather than their succeeding goals which impact
on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
youngsters who admire them. I
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

forthcoming
eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
easy

If you don’t want eassy to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

. I shall discuss my thoughts
why
Change preposition
on why

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
iam agreeing with
above
Add an article
the above

The noun phrase above statement seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
statement.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with, In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

modern
era
Add a comma
,era

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In this modern era. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
few
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known

It appears that well known is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
actors and
celebraties
Correct your spelling
celebrities

If you don’t want celebraties to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

are became
Change the verb form
are become
are becoming

It appears that the form of the verb became does not work with are in this sentence.

show examples
famous because of their appearance and money.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Some Instagram
stars
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

became overnight start by doing some videos.
Subsequently
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they
becoming
Change the form of the verb
become

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb becoming. Consider changing it.

show examples
stars
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

without achieving
anithing
Correct your spelling
anything

If you don’t want anithing to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and some individuals
doing
Wrong verb form
do

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb doing. Consider changing it.

show examples
videos with their costly
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes

The word cloths doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
,cars,etc.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is not an achievement.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Some youngsters admire their idols, they blindly follow their admired
starts
Correct your spelling
stars

The word starts doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
. Which is not good for those who
follows
Change the verb form
follow

The verb follows does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
them without thinking about their achievements.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some
super
Correct your spelling
superstars

The word super stars seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

show examples
stars
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are giving live examples and suggestions about
future
Correct article usage
the future

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
without any knowledge, and their followers blindly believe them, which is not good for youth. In conclusion, those who recognise
with
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
their talent and achievements are
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
idols
for
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
young people
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
should follow them, I agree with the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned

It appears that above mentioned is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
statment
Correct your spelling
statement

If you don’t want statment to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: