IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugars #health #people #sugar
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays many manufactured food and
drink
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 contain high levels of sugars which causes many health problems. The way we can improve the situation is still not found. And I totally disagree with the idea of making sugary
products
Use synonyms
 more expensive to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to consume less
sugar
Use synonyms
. I have never thought about
such
Linking Words
 a measure
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 increasing the price of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 in order to make
people
Use synonyms
 eat less sweets or
drink
Use synonyms
 less juice. I think it will not work.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 with
alcohol
Replace the word
alcoholic
show examples
drinks
Add a comma
,drinks
show examples
 it doesn’t. The high price of it still does not change our
habits
Fix the agreement mistake
habit
show examples
not
Change preposition
of not
show examples
to
Change the verb form
drinking
show examples
drink
Use synonyms
 it. The same system
occur
Change the verb form
occurs
show examples
 with
sugar
Use synonyms
 and other addictions. But
first
Add a comma
,first
show examples
 my idea was “
why
Correct your spelling
Why
show examples
 must
people
Use synonyms
 pay?”, it should be the question for the healthcare system, government and maybe education system, they seem to be more plausible measures. From the first step, medicine and science should determine
limits
Correct article usage
the limits
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in
products
Use synonyms
 and our day-to-day life. The second one is that the government should oblige all manufacturers of foods and drinks to order the quality of
products
Use synonyms
 and limits of all types of sugars and preservants. And the third part of my disagreement with imposing the obligation of high prices for sugary meals on final consumers is that we need to educate
people
Use synonyms
 and promote health and the consumption of less sugary food. In conclusion, I would contend that there are many other feasible methods rather than pricing up to reduce the amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in our fridges. And of course, it is always an individual question for each of us, what to do, what to eat and
drink
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: