IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

4.It’s more important for school children to learn about their local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#it’s #school #children #history #world
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There is currently a contentious argument over whether studying local
history
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 has
more
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a more
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 crucial role to play in the knowledge acquisition process of kids than learning
world
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history
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. I partially agree with
this
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 opinion which I will elaborate more
in
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on in
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this
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 essay. The main reason why I believe that studying
local
Correct article usage
the local
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 past is being compromised is because facts and figures in local
history
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 can help these young individuals to pay homage to former soldiers and ancestors who had sacrificed their lives for the independence of the country.
As well as
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this
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,
from
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apply
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learning the local past might develop
children
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 to understand thoroughly the origin and meaning of traditional events, customs and so on of their motherland, so they can maintain the valuable tradition for the next generation. To exemplify, by watching and listening
the
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to the
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 video of
proclamation
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the proclamation
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 recitation by Ir. Soekarno,
Indonesia
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Indonesian
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youngster
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youngsters
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 might
can
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apply
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understand the value of freedom and respect the sacrifice of their ancestor.
On the other hand
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, there are several reasons why is wrong to neglect teaching
of
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apply
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world
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history
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 to
children
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.
Firstly
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, in the globalisation era, knowing about
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history
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the history
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 of other countries
is
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apply
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might be beneficial.
This
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 is because
,
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 people are prone to revere and support people who express
respectfulness
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respect
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of
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for
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 the local culture and
history
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 of other countries.
Consequently
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, it provides more opportunities for
children
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 to work and make friends with foreigners.
Secondly
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, Studying the
world
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’s
history
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also
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 broadens
children
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’s
horizon
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horizons
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particularly
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,particularly
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 in
language
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the language
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, mindset and behaviour of each people in other nations
in
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apply
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which
it
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apply
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helps them to learn in terms of accepting divergent cultures and customs that exist to be more
tolerance
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tolerant
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 and life more interesting. In conclusion, it is my belief that
although
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 local
history
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 is more necessary,
world
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history
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 has an important role. I am convinced that the study of local
history
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 should parallel
world
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history
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 so that
children
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 could apprehend
history
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 more effectively.
Submitted by arif.purnomo.aji on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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